You Don’t Have to Be Alone to Feel Lonely

Drenda Keesee • December 12, 2019

Here’s the thing about loneliness—you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely.

You can have thousands of Facebook friends and Instagram followers, and be in the company of people constantly but still not feel emotionally close or connected to anyone. That’s how people can “party” constantly and still feel lonely.

There are so many ways to connect to others through social media. But people are reporting feeling more lonely than ever. How is this possible?

We have an innate need to connect with others on a human level. Yes, social media can help us keep connected with loved ones. But it can also help establish a fantasy where we put our best on display for others to see, and avoid face-to-face relationships where people can see our humanity, with all our faults and failures. It can also make others’ lives look more glamorous and enviable in comparison to our own.

Not the real deal.

Social media gives us the opportunity to build superficial “relationships” with acquaintances, or “friends,” by the boatload. But it can actually inhibit us from connecting on a deeper level with the people we have the greatest opportunity to find real depth with.

Studies actually show that addictions to social media sites actually trigger people to isolate themselves.

Social media should be one small aspect of your social life. If the sites you’re visiting aren’t improving your relationships or your quality of life, it’s time to make some changes.

Social media can even become an escape from face-time with family, children, and friends. Perhaps the real lure of social media relationships is to avoid having to build close relationships in-person and day-to-day. After all, superficial relationships don’t face the challenges that real relationships do.

It’s easier to “friend” someone on Facebook than to actually build a friendship, mentor others, or touch lives, and be touched as we do so.

Relationships require work. And that can be intimidating.

We risk rejection. Disclosure can be risky, and it’s usually easier not to take the chance. Fears of all kinds can keep us from sharing our hearts with others or caring and deeply trusting anyone. The fear of not connecting or being rejected by someone can cause us to put up walls, or worse yet, be competitive to prove our worthiness.

But building real, valuable relationships can only happen in a non-competitive atmosphere, where no one is trying to prove they’re worthy of love or have something to offer. Competition for acceptance can undermine honesty, trust, and loyalty—the stuff that all healthy, solid, and satisfying relationships must have to grow. Competitive relationships just aren’t satisfying. But yet we compete.

We’ve lost our way!

God created us and only He knows what will fulfill each of us and bring lasting peace and happiness to our lives. But we’ve ignored His design for life and lost our way in this world. Today, we have so many breakdowns in relationships that it’s no wonder so many people are unhappy with life.

We were created for relationship.

This just seems to be the time of year when it’s most evident that people all around us are missing out on the very relationships God intended each of us to have.

So many people today are lonely because they lack the mentorship and friendships that make this world navigable. These relationships give us people to celebrate life with, and people to support us in the hard times.

It IS possible to live life the way God Our Creator intended it to be lived and have the happy, healthy relationships He intended us to have.

We just need to turn our hearts to His Word and regain the “Titus Tradition” of the spiritually older women teaching the younger how to live life and love their husbands and their families (Titus 2:3-5). This holds true for men as well.

Women and men both need mentors .

God gave us incredible examples of mentorship in the Bible. Paul mentored Timothy as a son in the faith and helped him become his best, reaching his potential in Christ. Paul had to be willing to invest into Timothy, and Timothy had to be willing to receive instruction from Paul. And, instead of competing with his spiritual elder, Timothy submitted his heart to be trained by Paul. He didn’t resent Paul’s correction, but welcomed it with respect, acknowledging God’s plan to train him toward his destiny.

Ruth told Naomi that she would follow her and that whatever she chose, she would choose also. She said,

Wherever you go, I will go. Your people will be my people and your God my God.

Both Ruth and Timothy found God’s blessing and provision because they were both loyal to their mentors and were willing to serve beyond what most people would do—they went beyond the call. It wasn’t just about what they could each get for themselves. And their mentors wanted the best for them.

Paul exhibited honest leadership in his relationship with Timothy, and Timothy’s respect toward Paul earned him a place to be mentored. Paul’s mentorship of Timothy helped to carry the gospel further than Paul could reach by himself. Both were the benefactors of a healthy relationship.

You don’t have to do life alone.

Like Timothy and Ruth, we were never intended to carry the difficulties of life alone. There are those who have gone before us (mentors), and those who are walking the same path we are walking (friends). We need them both in order to become our best and enjoy the journey.

Sure, there are challenges to overcome in nearly every relationship. But if we choose our friends and mentors wisely, and make the commitment to be loyal, honest, trustworthy, grateful, and faithful, God can bless our lives with these relationships, and we can enjoy the journey together.

You can make real friends, laugh heartily, learn truth together, live whole, and love freely. When you come into God’s Kingdom, you come into a family—the family of God. This transformation should impact every relationship in your life. You can learn how to walk in the grace and empowerment that is yours in your marriage , family , home, friendships, and life.

God has answers for your connections to people.

Ultimately, our greatest joys come from relationships with those we love. There is an anointing from God to enjoy relationships. And you can have tremendous joy as you are empowered to be the friend, wife, husband, father, mother, mentor, and minister that God has called you to be.

Five Quick Tips to Build Healthy Relationships

1. Accept God’s love for you.

Grow in self-acceptance because you know He loves and accepts you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him.

2. Let God be the master architect in your life.

Let Him direct you to mentors and friends that can help you grow and change.

3. Be willing to submit your heart.

Be open to being trained and sharpened by others in a loyal, committed exchange, accepting that God will ask you to invest in and befriend others as you have been mentored.

4. Be friendly.

5. Be found faithful.

When you blow it, as we all inevitably will at some point , forgiveness and humility are the glue that will hold the relationship together. Invest in people God’s way. Free yourself from wrong expectations and hurtful words and actions.

 

People Don’t Know Who They Really Are

By Gary Keesee • June 2, 2025
Reading Time 4 mins 58 secs – Friend, I’ve been thinking a lot about identity lately. So many people are walking around without a clue about who they really are. They’re trying to find their identity in the world’s system, in what other people think, in how they look, in what they own—and they’re completely missing the revelation of who God created them to be. You Were Created with Intent Let me tell you something powerful: you are not here by accident! Before you were created in your mother’s womb, God knew you. He created you with intent, just like he did with Jeremiah. The word of the Lord came to me saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” —Jeremiah 1:4–5 (NIV) Now, I believe this isn’t just about Jeremiah. I believe every single person was created with intent by God. He designed you specifically with your uniqueness in mind. If you have more than three or four kids, you know they’re all completely different even in the same household! As they get older, you begin to see their unique bends and talents that you had nothing to do with. That’s because God made them for certain things and put His design in them. It’s sad that most people never discover this because their life of survival holds them in places they were never intended to be. Your Uniqueness Defines Your Value Anyone who collects something knows that the uniqueness of an item dictates its value. But here’s the thing. It’s YOUR uniqueness that God put there to be seen. People want to fit in because they don’t know who they really are. Getting Back to Basics When we look at 1 Corinthians 3, we see Paul dealing with this exact topic. This new church in Corinth was worldly; they had no concept yet of who they were. They were baby Christians, still in spiritual diapers, yet they wanted to be grown up. They wanted to drive the tractor, be seen, and have identity. They were jostling for position, all fighting over spiritual gifts, all trying to judge who was more spiritual. Paul had to write this letter to give them wisdom. He said: Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. —1 Corinthians 3:1–3a (NIV) Friend, we have to go back to the basics. We've got to get this thing fixed. Finding Your Place in the Body In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul explains how the body of Christ works. The foot can’t say, “Because I’m not a hand, I don’t belong to the body.” It would still be a foot no matter how much it decided it wanted to be a hand. Why? Because God made it a foot. The ear can’t say, “Because I’m not an eye, I don’t belong to the body.” It was created as an ear with a very distinct purpose. Psalm 139 tells us: You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. ... My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place... Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. —Psalm 139:13–16 (NIV) Wow! The place where you’re going to end up has already been decided. All your days have already been ordained by God for your life. What you’re going to end up doing was written in His book before you were ever created. Discovering the Mystery of You It’s sad that so many people never discover themselves. You’ll hear me say many times that God will help you unravel the mystery of you to you. The world has raised us to bounce off the mirror: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” And besides you in the mirror, there are a ton of comparisons. In Ephesians 4:11–13, we learn that Jesus gave the church five ministry offices: Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors, and Teachers. Their purpose is “for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith.” Here’s what’s important. These offices are not something you pick like a job opportunity. Jesus calls people to these offices. I know when I was called. I remember that day when I had the open vision and God spoke to me saying, “I’m calling you to preach My Word” three times. Standing in Your Place For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. —Romans 12:4–8 (NIV) I was obedient to what God called me to do. I am no better than you. I am just standing in the place God told me to stand. You need to stand in the place God told you to stand. If all of us stand in the right place, the body will function, and great things will happen. That’s only going to happen when you understand that your function is needed. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s by revelation, and you’re doing it as unto the Lord. Friend, it’s a great journey discovering who God created you to be. Don’t try to be someone else. Be exactly who God made you to be.

You Have a Mission: Understanding Your God-Given Purpose

By Gary Keesee • May 12, 2025
Reading Time 6 mins 30 secs – I’m constantly asked the same question as I travel around the country speaking to people: “Gary, what am I supposed to do with my life? What’s my purpose?” But I’m going to tell you something right now. That’s actually the wrong question to start with. See, before we can talk about what you’re supposed to do, we need to establish who you are . We live in a world that evaluates people by what they do, not who they are. That’s completely backward from God’s perspective! This broken thinking started back in the Garden when Adam lost his identity and purpose and became a survivalist. The Earth Curse System We Grew Up In God told Adam, “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground.” —Genesis 3:17b–19a (NIV) I call this the “painful toil and sweat earth curse system.” That’s the system you and I grew up in. It creates a survivalist mentality instead of an assignment mentality. What’s the first question people ask in this system? “Where’s the money? Where’s the provision?” Adam had an original assignment—to represent God’s Kingdom on Earth and take care of God’s stuff. But he abandoned that created purpose and became a survivalist. And friend, we’ve all inherited that perverted view of life. We Need to Fix Your Identity First Now, here’s the thing. We have no business talking about your assignment or purpose until we get your identity fixed. Why? Because anything God has for you to do will be bigger than you! It’ll take more money than you have and more people than you know. It’ll take faith in God’s grace. As Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) says, “For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Our identity has been warped. Just like Adam covered himself with fig leaves, we try to cover ourselves with wealth, position, and the pride of life. We don’t want people to know the real us because we fear shame. The Prodigal Son’s Identity Crisis In Luke 15:11–24, Jesus told the story of the Prodigal Son. This is really a picture of what happened to Adam—leaving Father’s house full of provision and going to a place he thought was better, only to find it bankrupt. For the first time, this son had to be “hired.” Previously, he worked with his father in the family business. But then he had to take on an assignment that was disgusting to Jews—feeding pigs. He was totally out of position. When he finally came to his senses and returned home, what did he say? Luke 15:21 (NIV) tells us: “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’” He wanted to be made like one of his father’s hired servants. He didn’t understand who he really was! And even though the father restored him as a son, he carried this “I am not worthy” concept with him. Friend, this is what happens to us! When you feel unworthy, what do you want to do? Perform! You want to earn respect. You want people to acknowledge you’re worthy. And you perform for God. Even though we’re born again, even though we’re in Father’s house, we carry this survival mindset into our new life. And unless that is fixed, you’ll never be able to receive freely from God. Your Real Identity in Christ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son. —Romans 8:28–29a (NIV) You’re a coheir with Christ—part of the family! What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? —Romans 8:31 (NIV) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. —Romans 8:37 (NIV) Those are powerful statements, but it’s problematic because most people aren’t confident that God is actually for them. Religion has taught you that you’re nothing but a worm crawling in the dust. But that’s not what the Bible says! Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” —2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV) For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been set free from sin. —Romans 6:6–7 (NIV) You’re not a measly sinner who can’t stop sinning. You’re free from sin! Created with Divine Intent The word of the Lord came to me, saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” —Jeremiah 1:4–5 (NIV) I believe this applies to every person. Before you were created in your mother’s womb, God created you with intent. You’re not here by accident! If you have multiple children, you know they’re all different, even in the same household. Why? Because God made them for certain things and put His design in them. Unfortunately, most people never discover that because their life of survival holds them in places they were never intended to be at. You are extremely unique! So why is everyone trying to be like everyone else? Because no one knows who they really are. Your Unique Function in the Body For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. —Romans 12:4–5 (NIV) I’m not a pastor because I chose to be. I was obedient to what God said. And I’m no better than you are. I’m just standing in the place God told me to stand. You need to stand in the place God told you to stand. If all of us stand in the right place, the body will function and great things will happen! But that’s only going to happen when you understand that your function is needed. Ready for Your Mission? So, friend, before you ask what you’re supposed to do, make sure you know who you are in Christ. But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. —1 Peter 2:9 (NIV) Until you’re absolutely convinced of your identity, we don’t need to be talking about facing your Goliath. Your Goliath knows who he is. You have to know who you are! Your purpose isn’t a career choice. It comes by revelation. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. —Proverbs 19:21 (NIV) Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. —Psalm 139:16 (NIV) Only the Creator knows why something was built. Only God knows exactly why He created you and what He designed you to accomplish. Are you ready to discover your true mission? It starts with understanding your real identity in Christ. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 3:14 (NIV) When you do, you’ll stop trying to survive and start thriving in your God-given purpose! Remember John 10:10b (NIV) where Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Are You Taking Care of God’s Business?

By Gary Keesee • April 14, 2025
Reading Time 3 mins 8 secs – Let me ask you something. Are you truly concerned about God’s business? Or are you more focused on your own? That might be a tough question, but it’s one we all have to answer at some point. The truth is, when we align our lives with God’s agenda, everything else begins to fall into place. Jesus made it clear in Luke 2:49 (NKJV) when He said, “Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” He was focused. He understood that His life was about fulfilling a divine purpose, not just going through the motions of everyday existence. And guess what? The same applies to you and me. God’s Business First A lot of people are trying to build their own lives, solve their own problems, and make their own way—only to end up frustrated, tired, and lacking. But Matthew 6:33 (NIV) gives us a powerful principle: “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” That means if we take care of God’s business, He’ll take care of ours. I’ve seen this firsthand in my own life and in the lives of countless others. When we align our time, energy, and resources with what God is doing, He ensures that we never lack what we need. Provision follows purpose. Philippians 4:19 (NIV) reminds us, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” When we prioritize His business, He supplies all we need. What Does It Mean to Be About God’s Business? Being about God’s business isn’t just about working in ministry. It means bringing Kingdom principles into everything we do—our careers, our families, our finances, and even our daily conversations. It means: Using your talents and skills to make an impact for God’s Kingdom : “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” (Colossians 3:23, NIV). Handling your finances according to His Word, not just worldly wisdom : “Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine” (Proverbs 3:9–10, NIV). Being led by the Holy Spirit in decision-making, rather than reacting to circumstances : “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God” (Romans 8:14, NIV). Viewing your work as a mission field, wherever you are. Stepping into Your Kingdom Assignment Too often, people are waiting for God to bless them before they take action. But that’s backward! When you step into your Kingdom assignment—when you take that step of faith and prioritize what God is doing—then provision, opportunities, and success start flowing your way. That’s how the Kingdom works. James 2:17b (NIV) tells us, “Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” God has called you to make a difference, to live with purpose, and to operate in the blessings of the Kingdom. But it starts with a choice: Will you focus on His business, or will you continue trying to figure things out on your own? Make the Shift Today If you’ve been struggling, feeling stuck, or wondering why things aren’t working, take a moment to check your focus. Are you aligned with God’s business? Are you seeking His Kingdom first? Proverbs 16:3 (NIV) encourages us, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” When you trust Him and put Him first, He will lead you to success. I challenge you today: Make the shift. Start putting God’s agenda before your own, and watch how He transforms every area of your life. His business is the best business to be in! Let’s go after it together! Watch the full message here: Are You Concerned About God's Business?