Why Leading By Example is So Important
Drenda Keesee • April 7, 2020
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words,”
but did you realize that was some of the best parenting advice you could ask for?
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
—Brennan Manning
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Suddenly, the little boy’s actions made complete sense to my daughter and the other teacher.
He was only acting out the behavior he had seen modeled for him by his father.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
If you want to instill the importance of honoring God and being in community with other believers by attending church, you need to make church a priority over everything else on the weekends, including sporting or social events.
If you want your children to have a relationship with God that extends beyond church on Sunday, then you need to model a relationship with God that extends beyond Sunday in your own life.
If you want your children to spend less time on their phones, then you have to spend less time on your phone.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
Lead by example.
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In a world that has traded the ability to mentor children God’s way for a world of distractions and instant gratification, we need real answers to the struggles we face as parents.
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Reading Time 3 mins 46 secs – Picture this. You’re standing at the edge of a foggy path that winds through a forest. You’ve never walked this path before. You can’t see more than a few feet ahead. There are no signs. No map. No flashlight. Just a still, quiet voice inside telling you to start walking. Would you? Most people wouldn’t. They’d wait until the fog clears. Until the way is visible. Until they feel “sure.” But that’s not how the Kingdom works. Friend, faith walks before it sees. Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) tells us this plainly: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Not what we can see. Not what we understand. Not what’s guaranteed. Faith is walking when it feels like you’re walking blind, but you’re actually walking guided. Let’s talk about Abraham for a second. God said to him, “...Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you” (Genesis 12:1, NIV). God didn’t show Abraham the land first. He didn’t explain all the details. He didn’t promise a step-by-step plan. God simply said, “ Go, ” and Abraham went. He didn’t argue. He didn’t delay. He didn’t ask for the weather report or route details. He trusted the voice. He walked before he saw. And because of that one step, a generational promise was unlocked. Now, let’s fast forward to the New Testament, to the story found in Matthew 14. Jesus came walking on water in the middle of the night, and Peter saw Him. Peter said, “Lord, if it’s really You, tell me to come.” And Jesus said, “Come.” What did Peter do? He stepped out of the boat and onto the water. Pause and think about that. Peter walked on water—not because he had magic in his feet but because he trusted the One who called him forward. Peter walked before he saw. Yes, he started to sink when he looked at the waves, but before that, he did what no other human besides Jesus had done: he walked on water by faith. Friend, your boat might feel safer. It might feel familiar. But if God is calling you out of it, staying there is more dangerous than stepping forward. Let’s get real for a second. There are seasons when God will not show you the full picture, on purpose. Why? Because if He showed you everything, you’d try to control it instead of trusting Him with it. Faith is trusting His character when you can’t see His hand. It’s saying yes without having every answer. It’s building the ark before the rain comes. It’s marching around Jericho before the walls fall. It’s digging a ditch before there’s a drop of rain. That’s the Kingdom. Here’s what the Bible says: “For we live by faith, not by sight,” (2 Corinthians 5:7, NIV). That’s not a metaphor. That’s a lifestyle. You don’t wait until all your fear is gone to obey. You don’t wait until you’re certain to trust. It means you don’t wait until your finances line up perfectly to give. You walk before you see. Let’s look at one more example. In Acts 9, Saul, who later became Paul, was traveling to Damascus while persecuting Christians when, suddenly, a blinding light stopped him. Jesus spoke directly to him, and Saul was blinded. God then instructed a man named Ananias to go and pray for Saul and restore his sight. Ananias was hesitant because he knew Saul’s reputation for harming believers. Despite his doubts and without any guarantees, Ananias obeyed and went to Saul. He stepped out in faith before knowing the outcome. That single act of obedience set the stage for Paul’s powerful ministry and the writing of much of the New Testament. So, let me ask you… Where is God asking you to walk, before you see? To step into a calling that scares you? To give up something you’ve leaned on for security? To trust Him with your finances? To forgive someone you haven’t gotten an apology from? Whatever it is, I want you to hear this. You don’t have to see the outcome to take the next step. You don’t have to understand the entire path to move forward in obedience. Faith walks before it sees. That’s where the miracles are. That’s where the provision is. That’s where peace is waiting. Your comfort zone won’t get you there. But your obedience will. God doesn’t need your full understanding. He needs your full surrender. So today, let this be your reminder… You don’t have to feel brave. You just have to follow. Even in the fog. Even in the unknown. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Because God is already in the place He’s calling you to. He’s gone ahead. He’s prepared the way. He’s waiting at your next step. So, take it. Because faith? It always walks before it sees.
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They wanted to drive the tractor, be seen, and have identity. They were jostling for position, all fighting over spiritual gifts, all trying to judge who was more spiritual. Paul had to write this letter to give them wisdom. He said: Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. —1 Corinthians 3:1–3a (NIV) Friend, we have to go back to the basics. We've got to get this thing fixed. Finding Your Place in the Body In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul explains how the body of Christ works. The foot can’t say, “Because I’m not a hand, I don’t belong to the body.” It would still be a foot no matter how much it decided it wanted to be a hand. Why? Because God made it a foot. The ear can’t say, “Because I’m not an eye, I don’t belong to the body.” It was created as an ear with a very distinct purpose. Psalm 139 tells us: You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. ... My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place... Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. —Psalm 139:13–16 (NIV) Wow! The place where you’re going to end up has already been decided. All your days have already been ordained by God for your life. What you’re going to end up doing was written in His book before you were ever created. Discovering the Mystery of You It’s sad that so many people never discover themselves. You’ll hear me say many times that God will help you unravel the mystery of you to you. The world has raised us to bounce off the mirror: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” And besides you in the mirror, there are a ton of comparisons. In Ephesians 4:11–13, we learn that Jesus gave the church five ministry offices: Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors, and Teachers. Their purpose is “for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith.” Here’s what’s important. These offices are not something you pick like a job opportunity. Jesus calls people to these offices. I know when I was called. I remember that day when I had the open vision and God spoke to me saying, “I’m calling you to preach My Word” three times. Standing in Your Place For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. —Romans 12:4–8 (NIV) I was obedient to what God called me to do. I am no better than you. I am just standing in the place God told me to stand. You need to stand in the place God told you to stand. If all of us stand in the right place, the body will function, and great things will happen. That’s only going to happen when you understand that your function is needed. It’s not a popularity contest. It’s by revelation, and you’re doing it as unto the Lord. Friend, it’s a great journey discovering who God created you to be. Don’t try to be someone else. Be exactly who God made you to be.