Why Leading By Example is So Important
Drenda Keesee • April 7, 2020
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words,”
but did you realize that was some of the best parenting advice you could ask for?
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
—Brennan Manning
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Suddenly, the little boy’s actions made complete sense to my daughter and the other teacher.
He was only acting out the behavior he had seen modeled for him by his father.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
If you want to instill the importance of honoring God and being in community with other believers by attending church, you need to make church a priority over everything else on the weekends, including sporting or social events.
If you want your children to have a relationship with God that extends beyond church on Sunday, then you need to model a relationship with God that extends beyond Sunday in your own life.
If you want your children to spend less time on their phones, then you have to spend less time on your phone.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
Lead by example.
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In a world that has traded the ability to mentor children God’s way for a world of distractions and instant gratification, we need real answers to the struggles we face as parents.
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Reading Time 2 mins 52 secs – Have you ever felt like there’s more to life than what you’re currently experiencing? That nagging sense that you were created for something greater, yet you’re not quite sure what it is or how to step into it? You’re not alone. Many people go through life knowing deep down that they have a specific purpose—a destiny to fulfill—but they struggle to identify it and take the necessary steps to walk in it. But here’s the truth: You weren’t just saved to survive; you were saved to occupy! You were created with a unique assignment and a position of influence in this world. Your destiny isn’t just about achieving personal success; it’s about fulfilling your Kingdom purpose. Moving Beyond Deliverance to Destiny One of the biggest traps believers fall into is celebrating deliverance but never stepping into their destinies. Think about it—have you ever experienced a breakthrough in your life? Maybe you got out of debt, overcame an addiction, or walked away from a toxic situation. But instead of pressing forward, you found yourself simply enjoying your newfound freedom without any real direction. Here’s the problem: Deliverance is never permanent unless you learn to occupy! The enemy will always try to reclaim territory in your life. If you don’t move forward into your destiny, you risk falling back into old cycles. Your breakthrough is just the beginning, not the end. God didn’t free you so you could sit still. He freed you so you could step into your purpose and advance His Kingdom! Understanding Your Authority To occupy your destiny, you have to understand the authority God has given you. Too many believers live far below their potential because they don’t recognize the authority they carry. Authority isn’t about how powerful you feel; it’s about knowing your legal standing. Think about a police officer directing traffic. Cars don’t stop because the officer has the physical strength to stop them. They stop because of the badge —the authority the officer represents. It’s the same with you. Your authority doesn’t come from your abilities. It comes from the One you represent. But here’s the key: You can’t walk in authority unless you’re also submitted to authority. Finding Your Place in God’s Organizational Chart Have you ever considered where you fit in God’s organizational chart? Your destiny is directly tied to understanding your role and responsibilities in the Kingdom. Ask yourself: Where has God called me to be? What unique gifts and abilities do I bring? Who has God placed in authority over me? Who has He placed in my care? When you’re in the right place—operating within your assigned role—things work smoothly, and God’s authority flows properly in your life . The Power of Staying Submitted One of the biggest challenges in stepping into your destiny is staying submitted —especially when you disagree or face correction. Your maturity isn’t measured by your talent or your age. It’s measured by your ability to remain submitted even when it’s difficult . Think about how quickly you want to defend yourself when criticized. Do you get offended? Do you want to quit? That’s a sign of immaturity that can derail your destiny. Submission isn’t about control; it’s about protection. When you remain under authority, you position yourself for greater authority and greater Kingdom impact. Moving Forward with Confidence As you step into your destiny, God will provide everything you need —the right people, the right resources, and the right opportunities to fulfill your assignment. The double portion is already yours! When you align yourself with God’s plan and operate under His authority, you’ll find that He supplies “exceedingly, abundantly above all that you could ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20). So, are you ready to move beyond just celebrating your freedom to actually occupying your place of influence ? Your destiny is waiting. It’s time to take possession of what’s rightfully yours! What area of authority has God placed in your hands? How are you occupying that space for His Kingdom?
Reading Time 4 mins 39 secs – You know, every January, people talk about starting fresh—setting New Year’s resolutions and trying to reset their lives physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. And that’s great. But how many times have we found ourselves setting the same resolutions year after year, only to abandon them a few days, weeks, or a month later? This year, I want to challenge you to think differently. Instead of focusing only on what you want to achieve in 2025, let’s also take a hard look at what you need to leave behind in 2024. Sometimes, the biggest breakthroughs come not from what we gain but from what we let go of. Here are three things to leave behind as you step into God’s best for your life in 2025: 1. Insecurities Let’s talk about insecurity for a second. It’s a sneaky thief. It keeps you stuck, paralyzed, and doubting whether you’re capable of doing what God called you to do. Insecurity is not from God. It's the enemy’s tactic to rob you of your destiny. God made you on purpose, for a purpose, and He doesn’t make mistakes. Genesis 1:27 says you were created in His image. That means you have His DNA—His creativity, power, and potential—inside of you. Stop comparing yourself to someone else’s highlight reel. Stop trying to fix yourself with things that don’t matter—more stuff, more status, or other people’s opinions. God has already given you everything you need to walk confidently into your calling. Here’s what to do: Spend time reminding yourself what God says about you. When insecurity tries to creep in, stand firm on the Word of God. Write down affirmations based on Scripture, and speak them out loud! Your words carry power. Be confident in this truth: God chose you for this moment, this season, and this purpose. Let 2025 be the year you leave insecurity in the rearview mirror. You have too much ahead to let fear hold you back. 2. Complaining I’m going to be real with you: complaining is one of the fastest ways to keep yourself stuck. It focuses all your energy on what’s wrong instead of what God’s doing. And the Bible makes it clear: “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21a, NIV). What are you speaking over your life? Complaining doesn’t just create negativity; it’s a mindset. When you constantly dwell on the problems, you miss the solutions God is already providing. So, what’s the alternative? Gratitude. Gratitude is a weapon. It shifts your focus and aligns your thinking with God’s promises. Here’s how to flip the script: Start a gratitude list. Write down three things you’re thankful for every day. Train your mind to focus on what God is doing, not what isn’t going right. Catch yourself. When you start to complain, pause and say, “What can I be grateful for in this moment?” Get perspective. Ask yourself, “Is this going to matter a year from now?” Most of the time, the things we complain about aren’t worth the energy. When you retrain your mind to focus on the good, you’ll find that joy and strength naturally follow. The Bible says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10b, NIV). Let’s lean into that joy in 2025. 3. Toxic Relationships We’ve all been there. Relationships can be a blessing, but some relationships weigh you down, pull you away from God’s plan, and drain your energy. Toxic relationships aren’t just in romantic settings. They can show up in friendships, family, or work environments too. If someone is constantly pulling you away from your purpose, making you question your worth, or keeping you from stepping into God’s best, it’s time to set some boundaries. And listen: this doesn’t mean cutting off people entirely. Boundaries don’t mean you stop loving people. They mean you stop letting their dysfunction control your life. Ask yourself: Is this relationship pushing me closer to God or pulling me away? Does this person consistently build me up, or do they tear me down? When you let go of relationships that aren’t aligned with where God is taking you, you make space for the right people—people who will encourage you, challenge you, and grow with you. I’m Sure You Can Think of More Things to Leave Behind… This list is just a starting point. Maybe for you, it’s leaving behind procrastination, negative thoughts, or the fear of failure. Maybe it’s doubt, pride, or the need to control everything. Whatever it is, take some time to reflect. Ask yourself: What’s holding me back from stepping into the life God has for me? We all have things we’ve been carrying for far too long—things that don’t belong in the next chapter of our lives. This year, don’t just focus on what you’re reaching for; get intentional about what you’re letting go of. There’s power in leaving behind what no longer (or never did) serve God’s purpose for you. Stepping Into 2025 Here’s the good news: You don’t have to navigate this alone. God didn’t design you to do life by yourself. Surround yourself with people who will speak life into you, remind you of God’s promises, and stand with you in faith. You won’t always get it right—and that’s okay. Nobody succeeds at everything all the time. But when you fall, God’s grace is there to pick you back up. He’s cheering you on, and so are Drenda and I. As we move forward into 2025, let’s leave behind insecurity, complaining, and toxic relationships. Instead, let’s embrace God’s truth, walk in gratitude, and surround ourselves with the right people. This is your year to step boldly into what God has called you to do. Let’s make it count.