Why Leading By Example is So Important
Drenda Keesee • April 7, 2020
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Actions speak louder than words,”
but did you realize that was some of the best parenting advice you could ask for?
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
It’s true!
A mom called me distraught about her son. He had been out drinking, stopped attending church, and turned his back on God.
Through tears, she said, “I don’t understand how this happened! We raised him in church! What did we do wrong? Why is this happening to us?”
I comforted her and prayed with her for her son.
But what happened with her son?
She was right; they did attend church pretty regularly. That wasn't the problem. The problem was this woman and her husband said the right words on the weekend, but their ACTIONS preached a different message all week.
Which do you think had a bigger impact on their son?
Their son never saw them pursuing God or making Him a priority outside of Sunday morning. In fact, if sporting or social events came up, they were quick to take priority over church.
From her son’s perspective, God was just an optional weekend activity.
You can preach to your children every day about what they should or shouldn’t do, but the greatest influence on your children’s lives won’t be what they hear you SAY—it will be what they see you DO.
“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
—Brennan Manning
My daughter Kirsten used to work in preschool at our church on the weekends. When she got done, she would often tell me about the cute and funny things children said to her.
One day, she told me about how she was serving in the three-year-old class with another teacher when a child became unmanageable. He was going into fits of rage, falling on the floor screaming, trying to hit other children, and stealing their toys. They called his parents back to get him.
As they began to explain what happened to the parents, the father didn’t seem surprised or concerned at all. He not only made excuses for his son, but he gave him candy to make him happy!
The mom, who hadn’t said a word, timidly spoke up. “Well, he is acting very disobedient...”
Her husband started yelling, pointing his finger in his wife’s face, and told her not to talk about their son that way. He backed her into a corner, and continued to yell at her. The mother didn’t act as though any of it was an unusual occurrence.
Suddenly, the little boy’s actions made complete sense to my daughter and the other teacher.
He was only acting out the behavior he had seen modeled for him by his father.
Children reflect their home lives.
Your children don’t just need to hear you talking about God or what’s right and what’s wrong—they need to see an example of it in your life.
I can be a bit of a talker. Whenever I had something I wanted to instill into my children, my first instinct was to verbalize it in a million different ways until they got the point. The thing is, our children don’t act out what they hear, they act out what they see!
The best approach we can take in investing the right qualities into our children is to make sure we are modeling those qualities for them in ourselves.
If you want to instill the importance of honoring God and being in community with other believers by attending church, you need to make church a priority over everything else on the weekends, including sporting or social events.
If you want your children to have a relationship with God that extends beyond church on Sunday, then you need to model a relationship with God that extends beyond Sunday in your own life.
If you want your children to spend less time on their phones, then you have to spend less time on your phone.
Do you see the pattern?
Kids reenact what they see, not what they hear.
Of course, no one is a perfect parent. Thankfully, your children can learn from your mistakes as well.
There were many times when I fell short when my children were growing up. But when I messed up, I had to make the decision to use my mistakes as a learning opportunity for my children, and then I had to make the effort to do better moving forward.
Most importantly, your children need to see the evidence of God’s goodness in your life. They need to see your faith in action.
When Kirsten was younger, I asked her why she served God. She told me, “Growing up, it worked all the time. We lived by God’s Word. We always prayed. We always saw God come through. And that’s how I grew up. I never expected anything else.”
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If there’s something in your life communicating the wrong message to your children, today is the day to change it.
Lead by example.
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In a world that has traded the ability to mentor children God’s way for a world of distractions and instant gratification, we need real answers to the struggles we face as parents.
Get your copy of The New Vintage Family: A Vintage Look for the Modern-Day Family, and learn to use the four pillars of family to effectively communicate, and to fit the pieces of family mentorship, business, and home life together for success!
Reading Time 4 mins 25 secs – Fear feels real. It talks loudly. It paints pictures. It rehearses worst-case scenarios. And if you do not know how to stop it, it will try to script your future before you ever get there. But fear is not truth. Fear is not fact. And through God’s Word, you can live free from it. Scripture says plainly, “ Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me” (Psalm 23:4a, NIV). Notice that carefully. It does not say fear is unavoidable. It does not say anxiety is your permanent condition. It does not say torment is part of your identity. It says, I will fear no evil. That means freedom from fear is possible. Fear Works Through Images Fear often begins with a thought, but it does not stop there. It immediately tries to form a picture. The doctor says something concerning, and fear paints the ending. The bank account drops, and fear paints the ending. A symptom shows up, and fear paints the ending. A problem hits your family, and fear paints the ending. That is how the enemy works. He presents an image and tries to convince you it is reality. But just because something enters your mind does not mean it is true. Fear is an imagination. It is an illusion. It may feel convincing, but that does not make it a fact. The enemy wants you to meditate on what could go wrong. God calls you to stand on what He said. The Real Battle Is at the Root Fear is often treated like the main problem. But fear is really a symptom. Like a fever in the body, it points to something deeper that needs attention. The deeper issue is what you believe. If fear keeps dominating your thoughts, then somewhere a lie has been accepted as truth. That is why the answer is not just trying harder to calm down. The answer is renewing your mind. You must identify the lie. Then you must replace it with truth. Second Corinthians 10:5 reminds us that we are to cast down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. That means you do not let fearful thoughts sit in your mind and build a home there. You reject them. You replace them. You do not fight fear by admiring it, analyzing it, or entertaining it. You fight fear by confronting it with truth. What You Are Anchored to Matters Life will always present moments that seem dangerous, uncertain, or impossible. The question is not whether you will face pressure. The question is what you are anchored to when pressure comes. If your confidence is anchored to circumstances, you will always feel unstable. Circumstances change. Reports change. Emotions change. But God’s Word does not change. Truth can hold you. Just as a climber trusts the anchor that keeps him from falling, you must learn to trust the promises of God more than the pictures fear is trying to show you. When your life is anchored to truth, fear loses its power to dominate your thinking. Renewing Your Mind Changes What Feels Possible There was a time when many things people now accept with confidence would have seemed impossible. Flight looked impossible. Certain athletic feats looked impossible. What changed? Knowledge. Training. Repetition. Confidence in a higher law. In the same way, many believers still live under the assumption that fear is normal, fear is wise, fear is protective, or fear is just part of life. But God’s Kingdom operates differently. In Romans 12:2a (NIV), it says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Transformation does not happen by accident. It happens when you retrain your thinking with truth. The world trains people to expect loss, danger, failure, sickness, and defeat. God trains His people to expect His faithfulness, His promises, His strength, and His victory. If you keep feeding on fear, fear will feel natural. If you feed on truth, freedom will become normal. You Must Replace the Picture You cannot simply tell yourself not to think about something. You must replace the wrong picture with the right one. If fear says, “This will destroy you,” answer with what God says. If fear says, “You are going under,” answer with what God says. If fear says, “You will never recover,” answer with what God says. Truth is the antidote. When God promises healing, provision, peace, protection, and victory, those promises carry pictures. They are meant to shape your imagination. Too many people meditate on everything that can go wrong. But faith grows when you meditate on what God has already said in His Word. The enemy wants your imagination captured by fear. God wants your imagination renewed by truth. Your Future Does Not Belong to Fear Many people have lived so long under fear that they assume it will always define them. It will not. You can be free. Your life does not have to be governed by fear of sickness. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of lack. Fear of loss. Fear of the future. God did not create you to live tormented. He created you to live in His Kingdom, under His rule, with His peace, and in the confidence of His promises. The future belongs to those who believe what God says more than what fear suggests. So, start again. Open your Bible. Find out who you really are. Train your mind in truth. Reject the lie. Hold onto His promises. And refuse to let fear write a story God never wrote for you. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for not giving me a spirit of fear. Thank You for giving me power, love, and a sound mind. Help me recognize every lie the enemy tries to plant in my thoughts. Teach me to renew my mind with Your Word and to reject every imagination that rises against the truth of who You are and who I am in Christ. Strengthen me to stand on Your promises, speak with authority, and live in the freedom You have given me. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Reading Time 4 mins 40 secs – If you want to see your future, take a look at your friends. Scripture says plainly, “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33, NIV). That’s not a suggestion. That’s a warning. And the deception is thinking your good character will automatically change the people around you. Sometimes it can. But often, it’s the other way around. Who speaks into your life matters. Who challenges you matters. Who flatters you matters. Who you follow matters. All of it shapes where you end up. The Deception About Influence Many people fall into what’s called false responsibility. They want someone else’s success more than that person wants it for themselves. They believe they can fix, carry, or rescue someone who isn’t willing to change. You must understand something clearly: God sends people, and the enemy sends people. Not every opportunity is from God. Not every relationship is divinely aligned. One of the clearest warning signs is constant flattery. When someone continually builds you up without ever challenging you, pay attention. Flattery often hides motive. That’s why you must judge your friendships carefully. Fear Is Contagious, and So Is Courage Before Israel went into battle, Moses gave a striking instruction: if someone was afraid or faint-hearted, send them home. Why? Because fear spreads. Fear talks. Doubt talks. Unbelief talks. But courage talks too. Faith talks too. Vision talks too. The people around you will either magnify the obstacle or magnify the promise. They will either rehearse what could go wrong or remind you what God said. Choose wisely. Proof That Who You Follow Changes You After David defeated Goliath, King Saul pursued him. David escaped to a cave. Not a palace, not a resort—a cave. And 400 men followed him. The Bible describes them as distressed, in debt, and discontented. That doesn’t sound like leadership material. But something changed. Those same men became David’s mighty men of valor. They performed exploits. They accumulated wealth. They became strong, disciplined warriors. What happened? They followed someone who carried covenant confidence. They followed faith instead of fear. And they were transformed. Who you follow will change you, either for good or for worse. The Cost of the Wrong Circle You don’t have to make the wrong decision yourself to feel the consequences of being in the wrong environment. Association carries weight. When you attach yourself to people who are reckless, careless, or spiritually drifting, their choices begin to affect your direction. Influence is subtle at first. It doesn’t feel dangerous. It feels normal. Comfortable. Accepted. But over time, conversations shape thinking. Thinking shapes decisions. Decisions shape outcomes. That’s why Scripture says not to be deceived. The drift rarely feels dramatic in the beginning. It feels gradual. You may never intend to compromise your standards. You may never plan to move away from your convictions. But proximity has power. What you tolerate eventually influences what you participate in. This is not about isolation. It’s about discernment. You can love everyone. You can minister to anyone. But you must be wise about who has consistent access to your life. Because you don’t have to commit the act to feel the consequence of the association. Choose your circle carefully. Not Everyone Qualifies for Close Access There are people you minister to. There are people you love. There are people you encourage. But not everyone qualifies to be your close companion. Ezra warned Israel not to make treaties of friendship with those whose practices would corrupt them. The principle still applies: don’t make agreements with influences that pull you away from God. There are relationships you need to: Increase Maintain Or discontinue And you must discern which is which. The righteous choose their friends carefully. What Healthy Friendship Looks Like The right people in your life will: Encourage your walk with God Strengthen your faith Uphold your marriage and family Believe in you Challenge you past your comfort zone Correct you when you’re wrong A true friend will tell you the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. An enemy flatters. A friend sharpens. If no one in your life can correct you, you’re vulnerable. Hold Unswervingly Hebrews instructs us to hold unswervingly to the hope we profess and to encourage one another toward love and good deeds. “Unswervingly” means steady. Unwavering. Not drifting. The right friendships help you stay steady. The wrong ones slowly pull you off course, usually so gradually you don’t notice until you’re far from where you intended to be. Make a decision: as for you and your house, you will serve the Lord. And build your circle around that decision. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for guiding my steps and ordering my relationships. Give me wisdom to choose my circle carefully. Help me discern the voices that strengthen my faith and the ones that pull me away. Surround me with people who challenge me, correct me, and encourage me to follow You fully. Give me courage to walk away from anything that hinders my walk with You. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Reading Time 5 mins 59 secs – Most of us have asked it, sometimes out loud, sometimes in frustration: Are we there yet? Not just about a trip but about life. Calling. Direction. The future. The problem isn’t that you want clarity. The problem is thinking God will hand you the whole map up front. Proverbs instructs us to give careful thought to the paths our feet are on and to be steadfast in all our ways. This isn’t passive language. It assumes intentional movement, focused direction, and refusal to drift. Staying on the right path requires attention and discipline, not just belief. That means the focus isn’t anxiety about the destination; it’s attention to the path under your feet today. Look Straight Ahead Proverbs gives a simple instruction that’s easy to skip over: “Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Do not turn to the right or the left” (Proverbs 4:25, 27a, NIV). So, what are you supposed to look at? You’re not meant to stare at fear, compare lanes, or obsess over what might happen way in the future. You’re meant to keep your gaze fixed where God is leading you now and to keep your foot from evil by refusing distractions that pull you off course. God’s Word is described as a lamp: “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (Psalm 119:105, NIV). A lamp doesn’t show you everything. It shows you just enough, a few steps ahead. That’s exactly how God often leads, especially when you’re going somewhere you’ve never been before. That’s why Abraham’s story in Hebrews 11 is so relatable. Abraham obeyed and proceeded, even though he did not know where he was going. And if we’re honest, neither do we. When the Water Doesn’t Part Until Your Feet Touch It Joshua 3 shows what trusting God often looks like. The Jordan was at flood stage. It wasn’t a convenient crossing. But the instruction was still to move forward. And the river didn’t part while they stood on the bank thinking about it. It parted when the priests’ feet touched the water. God’s path often requires motion before you see the breakthrough. The same principle shows up with Peter. He didn’t walk on water; he walked on the word. When Jesus said “come,” that word carried him. You may feel like you’re facing impossible valleys, things that seem like they have no way around them, but if God said “go,” then the obstacle is not proof you missed Him. Sometimes, it’s part of the plan. Don’t Misread the Process Many believers get discouraged because they mistake the beginning for the end. They assume that if God spoke, it should happen immediately. But Scripture shows something else: God often leads with glimpses and dreams, not full explanations. He gives you enough to move and enough to hold on to. That’s why many people quit too early—not because they don’t love God, but because they don’t understand the process. Joseph: Dreams, Training, and the “Pharaoh Moment” Joseph had two dreams at 17. Then life took a hard turn: betrayal, slavery, false accusation, and prison. And yet later, Joseph said something shocking to his brothers: “It was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you” (Genesis 45:5b, NIV). That means the path, including the painful parts, was not random. It was preparation. Joseph couldn’t have gone straight to the palace. He needed training, exposure, language, protocol, and wisdom. God positioned him in the house of a high-ranking official so he could learn what he’d need later. Then came the moment everything was aimed toward: standing before Pharaoh. When that moment arrived, Joseph didn’t just interpret a dream; he had a plan. And the plan seemed good to Pharaoh. There’s a practical takeaway here: sometimes God develops you in places you don’t enjoy so you’ll have something to offer when the door opens. Your faithfulness now can become your credibility later. When You Don’t Like Your Job, You Might Be in Training It’s easy to say, “I hate my job.” But a hard season doesn’t automatically mean you’re off track. Sometimes the question is: Can God trust you where you are? Can He trust your integrity when nobody’s impressed? Can He trust your obedience when you don’t feel like it? Can He trust you to stay out of sin when it would be easier to compromise? This is the kind of training that happens before anyone knows your name. And when you consistently show up with excellence and bring solutions, your gift becomes visible. The value is sometimes found in the training season. You’re being prepared for a season to come, and everything you learned in that training season will not be wasted. Sometimes the First Step Is to Sit After a message about vision and purpose, people can get anxious: “I need to do something right now.” But sometimes wisdom says: be still and sit for a minute. Many people come to Christ carrying an “earth curse system” mindset of work, labor, perform, and strive because that’s all they’ve known. But learning the Kingdom takes time. Identity comes before assignment. Simple Ways to Stay on the Path This Week Fix your gaze. Stop demanding the full map. Stay faithful to today. Keep moving. Don’t get stuck replaying the lies of the enemy. Step in before you see it. Some waters part after your feet touch them. Honor the process. Training seasons are not wasted seasons. Write it down. Keep a record of dreams, words, and reminders from God. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for leading me on the right path. Help me fix my gaze straight ahead and follow You one step at a time. Give me the courage to move forward even when I can only see a few feet in front of me. Strengthen me in the process, teach me what I need to learn, guard my integrity, and keep me steady when I feel delayed or discouraged. Remind me of what You’ve spoken to me through Your Word, through dreams, and through moments you’ve marked in my life. I choose to stay on the path and trust You with the destination. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.