Your Spouse Feeling Like Your Enemy? 13 Surefire Ways to Build Unity.

Reading Time 4 mins 26 secs –

By Drenda Keesee

“I’m so tired of picking up your laundry!”

“You overspent again!”

“You never make time for me!”

How many times have you said something like that to your spouse? Or wanted to say something like that to them?

How often do you allow yourself to get into a pattern of bickering with your spouse over things like money, household responsibilities, how often you talk to your mother (yes, I wrote that), how often you have sex (yes, I wrote that too), or other issues?

If you’ve ever fallen into a pattern of bickering with your spouse, you know how easy it is to stay there.

And that’s just what the enemy wants.

Because he knows that if he can keep you fighting over the dirty laundry, who’s on bath duty, who spends more money, or anything else, then he can keep you out of unity and away from your inheritance in the Kingdom of God.

The enemy’s greatest goal is to divide and conquer; and too often, we let him into our marriages.

Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that our fight is not against human enemies but against the rulers of the darkness of this world.

Why do we forget that? Why are we willing to practically wage war with the person we’re supposed to love the most over the most insignificant things?

Are the petty things like him not emptying the trash or her buying that extra pair of earrings really worth you missing out on the promises of God? No!

So, how do you stop looking at your spouse as your enemy and build unity in your marriage? Here are my top 13 tips:

1. Make sure there’s no sin in your life. 

Sin destroys unity—not just between you and your spouse but between you and God. Confess it, and eliminate it from your life.

2. Don’t compare yourself or your spouse to others. 

No couple is perfect, and no person is perfect. Don’t be deceived into believing the grass is greener anywhere else. Remember, you only see people’s public faces, not their private struggles.

3. Focus on the positive in your spouse. 

We ALL have faults. Sadly, it’s human nature to hide our own faults but to point out the weaknesses in others. God sees both you and your spouse as valuable. Try looking at your spouse the same way. Find positive things to focus on and things to be grateful for.

4. Pay attention to what you’re saying. 

Use your words to build up, not tear down. Your words are seeds that will produce fruit. Don’t say things like, “You never…” or “You always….” Realize how much power your words have to build unity in your marriage or destroy it.

5. Pray together.

If you’ve never prayed together, or if it’s been awhile, it WILL be awkward and uncomfortable. Do it anyway.

6. Learn more about the differences between you and your spouse as a man and a woman. 

It’s not hard to see that we communicate differently. The more you understand that, and work on it, the less communication breakdowns will occur in your marriage.

7. Squash selfishness.

Really think about whether you’re placing your needs over those of your spouse. Selfishness can easily squash any hopes of unity. Squash it first.

8. Forgive.

Holding onto an offense or hurt does nothing to help you. It only turns into bitterness. I love this quote from Ruth Bell Graham: “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

9. Apologize.

Say you’re sorry first. Being too prideful to admit when you’re wrong only builds walls of separation in your relationship.

10. Work at being a good friend.

This is a big one. All too often, we work more at being a good friend to our friends, but we stink at being a good friend to our spouse. Change that. Figure out your spouse’s love language and communicate it. Make plans to do something fun together. Be the friend to your spouse that you want him/her to be to you.

11. Set goals together and accomplish them as a team.

Many of us show ourselves as valuable team members at work, in class, and in sports, but we’d be downright embarrassed if those same people saw how we work (or don’t work) together with our spouses. Change!

12. Have sex!

It’s sad that I even need to include this, but it’s an issue that impacts the unity of so many marriages! Remember that the marriage bed is the healing oil that makes the two one flesh.

13. Commit, or recommit, your marriage to God.

Last, but definitely not least, this is the most important tip. God can help you recognize when your marriage is under attack, free you from any insecurities or failures that are preventing you from being one in your relationship, and give you an understanding of His design for marriage.

Marriage isn’t always sunshine and butterflies. There will be bumps in the road. There will be times when all you want to do is give up. But as someone who has been married for more than 41 years, I can tell you that working through your differences and fighting for your marriage is well worth the effort.

The reward is so much greater than the struggles.

Make the decision to apply these tips to your marriage regardless of whether your spouse reciprocates or is accepting of the change in you. It’s YOUR actions that will win his/her heart over.

< Older Post

Newer Post >

Rooted in Faith for Everyday Moments

September 5, 2025

Reading Time 2 mins 56 secs – Take a moment and think about this: faith isn’t just for the mountaintop moments. It’s for Mondays. It’s for traffic jams, unexpected bills, and the times when you’re just trying to get through the week. God never designed faith to be complicated or out of reach. He designed it to be your everyday operating system. Faith Is for Today Sometimes, we picture faith as something we have to “muster up” for significant challenges, like praying for healing, believing for a miracle, or asking for a breakthrough in a crisis. And while faith absolutely applies to those moments, it’s also for the little ones. Faith is choosing to trust God with your attitude in a tough conversation. Faith is deciding to believe He’ll provide, even when your budget looks thin. Faith is remembering you’re never alone, even when you feel overlooked. Second Corinthians 5:7 (NIV) says, “ For we live by faith, not by sight. ” Notice it doesn’t say “visit by faith” or “use faith once in a while.” It says live. Faith was always meant to be your way of life. Small Steps, Strong Roots Faith doesn’t usually grow in leaps; it grows in steps. Little, steady decisions that put your trust in God day after day. Opening your Bible instead of scrolling on your phone first thing in the morning Speaking truth over yourself when your feelings want to run the show Praying before making a decision instead of relying only on logic These may not seem dramatic, but they lay a strong foundation. And just like a tree with deep roots, your faith will keep you standing strong when storms come. God Is Faithful, Even When Life Isn’t Here’s the best part: your faith doesn’t rest on your ability to figure everything out. It rests on God’s ability to be faithful. And He is. Always. When you feel shaky, remember this: God is steady. When you feel uncertain, remember this: His promises are sure. When you feel small, remember this: faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. You don’t need giant faith for God to move. You just need real faith in a giant God. Faith That Shows Up in Action Faith isn’t just belief in your heart; it’s trust that shows up in your choices. James 2:17 says, faith without works is dead, which means faith comes alive when you act on it. That could look like forgiving when it’s hard, giving when it feels impossible, or stepping into an opportunity that scares you, but you know God is calling you to. Every time you take action in faith, you’re making a declaration: “God, I trust You more than my feelings, more than my circumstances, and more than what I see.” That kind of faith not only changes your life, but it also inspires others to believe. A Simple Prayer to Start With “Lord, thank You that faith isn’t complicated. Teach me to live by faith in the small things and the big things. I trust You with my today, my tomorrow, and every detail of my life. Strengthen my heart and remind me that You are faithful. In Jesus’s name, amen.” Take This with You Faith isn’t a moment. It’s a mindset. It’s not about pretending life is easy. It’s about trusting God, no matter what life looks like. Friend, you don’t need to wait for a crisis to practice faith. You can start today, right where you are, with whatever you’re carrying. Take a step. Speak His Word. Trust His heart. Because faith isn’t just for the extraordinary, it’s for the everyday. And your everyday is exactly where God loves to show up.

Everyday Healing: God Cares About the Little Things

By Gary Keesee • August 15, 2025

Reading Time 2 mins 49 secs – Okay, let’s take a breath. Not everything has to be heavy, and healing doesn’t have to feel impossible or mysterious. Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that God actually wants us to feel better. Yes, you included. God Cares About How You Feel We can get so used to pushing through that we forget God never designed us to live burned out, worn out, or always dealing with pain. Third John (NIV) 1:2b says, “ I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well .” God’s heart is not just that we survive life. His heart is that we thrive—spirit, soul, and body. That includes your sleep. That includes your energy. That includes your mind and your moods. Healing Isn’t Just for Emergencies Most of us wait to think about healing until something significant goes wrong. A diagnosis. A surgery. A crisis. However, healing is an integral part of your daily life as a believer. You don’t have to wait for something to fall apart to lean into God’s promises. It’s kind of like drinking water; your body needs it regularly, not just when you're dehydrated. The Word is the same. It brings strength, clarity, and peace to your health before the storm hits. You’re allowed to believe in a life where you’re not constantly recovering—you’re well. Small Shifts, Big Results Maybe you’ve been dealing with something for a while—nothing catastrophic, just something that lingers. A chronic ache. Fatigue. Brain fog. A stress habit that’s hard to shake. Can I encourage you? You don’t have to settle for “just getting by.” Start speaking life over your body. Make simple changes in faith; walk a little more, drink more water, eat a bit better, get quiet with God. Healing isn’t always dramatic. Sometimes, it happens gently. Daily. Gradually. The power of God isn’t always loud, but it’s always effective. The Best Kind of Doctor He doesn’t rush your appointment. He’s never stumped by your symptoms. And He doesn’t hand you a bill at the end. He simply says, “Come to Me.” Come tired. Come unsure. Come with your questions. And He’ll give you rest (Matthew 11:28). Yes, He heals in big, miraculous ways—but He also heals in little moments of laughter, sunlight, worship, and truth. Let’s Make This Simple Healing isn’t about performance. It’s about proximity—staying close to the Healer. So, take the pressure off today. You’re not failing if you’re still waiting. You’re not disqualified if you’ve had some doubts. You’re growing. You’re learning. And most of all, you’re loved. Let healing be a conversation you have with God, not a crisis you fear. Let it be part of your everyday life with Him, not just a 911 prayer when things feel scary. A Simple Prayer to Start With “Lord, thank You that You care about every part of me. You know when I’m tired, hurting, anxious, or overwhelmed. Thank You for being my Healer, not just in emergencies but in the everyday. I receive Your peace and Your promises. I speak life over my body and my mind today, in Jesus’s name. Amen.” Take This with You Healing doesn’t have to feel far away or hard to reach. It’s not reserved for the super spiritual or the desperate. It’s available, it’s real, and it’s for right now. You don’t have to make it complicated. Just take one step. Open the Word, talk to God, speak life over yourself, and trust that He’s working behind the scenes. You don’t have to live in survival mode. You were made for wholeness. And friend? You’re allowed to feel better.

Faith Walks Before It Sees

By Gary Keesee • July 14, 2025

Reading Time 3 mins 46 secs – Picture this. You’re standing at the edge of a foggy path that winds through a forest. You’ve never walked this path before. You can’t see more than a few feet ahead. There are no signs. No map. No flashlight. Just a still, quiet voice inside telling you to start walking. Would you? Most people wouldn’t. They’d wait until the fog clears. Until the way is visible. Until they feel “sure.” But that’s not how the Kingdom works. Friend, faith walks before it sees. Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) tells us this plainly: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Not what we can see. Not what we understand. Not what’s guaranteed. Faith is walking when it feels like you’re walking blind, but you’re actually walking guided. Let’s talk about Abraham for a second. God said to him, “...Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you” (Genesis 12:1, NIV). God didn’t show Abraham the land first. He didn’t explain all the details. He didn’t promise a step-by-step plan. God simply said, “ Go, ” and Abraham went. He didn’t argue. He didn’t delay. He didn’t ask for the weather report or route details. He trusted the voice. He walked before he saw. And because of that one step, a generational promise was unlocked. Now, let’s fast forward to the New Testament, to the story found in Matthew 14. Jesus came walking on water in the middle of the night, and Peter saw Him. Peter said, “Lord, if it’s really You, tell me to come.” And Jesus said, “Come.” What did Peter do? He stepped out of the boat and onto the water. Pause and think about that. Peter walked on water—not because he had magic in his feet but because he trusted the One who called him forward. Peter walked before he saw. Yes, he started to sink when he looked at the waves, but before that, he did what no other human besides Jesus had done: he walked on water by faith. Friend, your boat might feel safer. It might feel familiar. But if God is calling you out of it, staying there is more dangerous than stepping forward. Let’s get real for a second. There are seasons when God will not show you the full picture, on purpose. Why? Because if He showed you everything, you’d try to control it instead of trusting Him with it. Faith is trusting His character when you can’t see His hand. It’s saying yes without having every answer. It’s building the ark before the rain comes. It’s marching around Jericho before the walls fall. It’s digging a ditch before there’s a drop of rain. That’s the Kingdom. Here’s what the Bible says: “For we live by faith, not by sight,” (2 Corinthians 5:7, NIV). That’s not a metaphor. That’s a lifestyle. You don’t wait until all your fear is gone to obey. You don’t wait until you’re certain to trust. It means you don’t wait until your finances line up perfectly to give. You walk before you see. Let’s look at one more example. In Acts 9, Saul, who later became Paul, was traveling to Damascus while persecuting Christians when, suddenly, a blinding light stopped him. Jesus spoke directly to him, and Saul was blinded. God then instructed a man named Ananias to go and pray for Saul and restore his sight. Ananias was hesitant because he knew Saul’s reputation for harming believers. Despite his doubts and without any guarantees, Ananias obeyed and went to Saul. He stepped out in faith before knowing the outcome. That single act of obedience set the stage for Paul’s powerful ministry and the writing of much of the New Testament. So, let me ask you… Where is God asking you to walk, before you see? To step into a calling that scares you? To give up something you’ve leaned on for security? To trust Him with your finances? To forgive someone you haven’t gotten an apology from? Whatever it is, I want you to hear this. You don’t have to see the outcome to take the next step. You don’t have to understand the entire path to move forward in obedience. Faith walks before it sees. That’s where the miracles are. That’s where the provision is. That’s where peace is waiting. Your comfort zone won’t get you there. But your obedience will. God doesn’t need your full understanding. He needs your full surrender. So today, let this be your reminder… You don’t have to feel brave. You just have to follow. Even in the fog. Even in the unknown. Even when it doesn’t make sense. Because God is already in the place He’s calling you to. He’s gone ahead. He’s prepared the way. He’s waiting at your next step. So, take it. Because faith? It always walks before it sees.