You Should Be Trying to Win People, Not Debates
Gary Keesee • June 30, 2020
This blog was originally shared in our exclusive Team Revolution Partnership articles, but I went ahead and shared it as a special feature around the holidays this past year, just to remind us what we're really here for as we got together with family and friends who we may not always see eye-to-eye with.
Now, in light of all that is happening in our world, we need to be reminded of this more than ever.
Enjoy this special guest post from my friend, Dave Anderson.
You're here for the people.
In this emotionally charged age of liberal versus conservative; atheist versus believer, or pro-this versus anti-that, it’s easy to get so caught up in rhetoric, invective, and the belief that he who talks the loudest and longest wins the debate that you can lose sight of the what I believe is a more relevant objective than winning the argument; winning the person.
And I’m not just referring to the person with whom you’re having differences but also winning those who witness
the exchange.
This is why, when watching a news show where there are “experts” on both sides of an issue interrupting one another— shouting out zingers and elevating a normal speaking tone to a series of hysterical shrieks—I change the channel so that whatever intelligence I have left isn’t insulted further.
To be a more effective proponent for causes you are passionate about when you come face-to-face with someone who believes otherwise, I’d like to share some wisdom gleaned from the book Hell? Yes! by Dr. Robert Jeffress.
Influencing vs. silencing
Remember that the goal is to keep the dialogue going with the other person, not to shut him or her down.
People with strong personalities and rhetorical ability think that if they can silence their opponents they’ve won the argument. But any married person knows that’s not the case. If you’re having a disagreement with your spouse, it’s easy through intimidation or insult to cause them to disengage from the discussion. But you haven’t persuaded your spouse of anything, except that you’re a jerk.
For too many people, silencing, rather than influencing has been a primary tactic when discussing sensitive issues like abortion, politics, religion, and the like.
But no one is really heard or understood. The debate diminishes into cheap shots and name calling and the lines separating two sides become a gulf.
Take steps to win the person.
1. Engage with those who hold opposing points of view.
This was a key principle Jesus Christ used for winning people instead of just winning arguments. Jesus went to some places where he was not particularly popular, because to “catch fish” He had to go where the fish were. His goal was not isolation but influence.
2. Listen to other people’s stories.
The way to influence others is not by cornering them and then dumping your own “stuff” on them. Rather than unload your spiritual or political dump truck of arguments and answers to unasked questions, carefully listen to the other person you’re trying to influence. It is only after they feel understood that they’ll be willing to understand.
3. Let your walk speak louder than your talk.
A debater’s goal is to win the argument. A disciple’s goal is to win the person.
Far too many people who share my own Christian faith have learned that they can win a war of words but still lose the war over someone’s soul by being unnecessarily harsh and judgmental. Many non-Christians have rejected the Gospel not because of the offense of the Gospel, but because of the offensiveness of Christians.
I might be persuaded to become a Christian... if I ever met one. – Gandhi
Arthur Burns was a Washington power broker who served in prominent governmental positions from the 1960’s through the 1980’s. He was a counselor and confidant to a number of U.S. presidents during his career. Arthur Burns was also Jewish.
That is why his regular attendance at a weekly Bible study and prayer meeting at the White House in the 1970’s was a surprise to many. Although he was warmly welcomed, different members of the group who took turns leading the meetings never called on him to pray.
One week, however, a newcomer leading the group asked Arthur Burns to close in prayer. The other members shot nervous glances at one another, wondering how Burns would respond to this awkward situation. Burns never hesitated. Instead, he joined hands with the others in the group, bowed his head, and prayed:
Lord I pray that you would bring Jews to know Jesus Christ. I pray that you would bring Muslims to know Jesus Christ. Finally, Lord, I pray that you would bring “Christians” to know Jesus Christ. Amen.
The Samaritan woman at the well was ultimately drawn to a Person, not to a dogma. When she ran into the city to tell people what had happened to her, she did not shout, “Come and listen to these ideas that have change my mind”, but “Come see a Man who has changed my life!”
Winning an argument is a tactic. Winning the person is a strategy.
Tactics win battles. Strategies win wars.
Reading Time 6 mins 35 secs – Have you ever wondered why something God promised doesn’t seem to be happening in your life? Maybe you’ve prayed, stood on Scripture, confessed the Word, and believed, but the situation still hasn’t changed. When that happens, don’t assume God has failed you. His Word always works. Instead, become a student of the Kingdom and ask the Holy Spirit to show you what may be getting in the way. Hebrews 12 warns us about one of those things: a bitter root. It says, “ See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. ” Bitterness doesn’t stay small. It grows. It affects your heart, your words, your relationships, and even the people around you. That is why God takes it so seriously. If you want to walk in freedom and experience everything God has made available to you, you cannot allow bitterness, unforgiveness, gossip, or offense to take root in your heart. Bitterness Grows When It Is Fed Most bitter roots begin with a real offense. Someone hurts you, disappoints you, betrays you, mistreats you, or says something that cuts deeply. The pain may be legitimate, but what happens next matters. The natural response is often to replay the situation, judge the person, or tell someone else what happened. Before long, you’re not only carrying the offense yourself, but you’re inviting other people to carry it with you. That is what happened with Miriam and Aaron in Numbers 12. They began speaking against Moses, criticizing him and questioning his leadership. But Scripture includes one important sentence: “ And the Lord heard it. ” Miriam and Aaron were not responsible for judging Moses. God had chosen him. They did not know everything God knew, yet they spoke as though they had the authority to evaluate and condemn him. We do the same thing far too easily. We hear a story, see something online, get frustrated with a leader, coworker, friend, family member, or even a stranger, and suddenly we have an opinion about their heart, motives, and character. But you don’t know everything. You don’t know their entire story, and most importantly, they do not answer to you. Gossip, slander, and judgment feed bitter roots. They create trouble, spread offense, and poison hearts. God has called us to something different. Unforgiveness Keeps You Bound Jesus told a story in Matthew 18 about a servant who owed his king an enormous debt, far beyond anything he could ever repay. The king had mercy on him and completely canceled the debt. Then that same servant found someone who owed him a much smaller amount. Instead of extending the mercy he had just received, he demanded payment and had the man thrown into prison. When the king heard about it, he called the servant wicked because the man had been forgiven of an impossible debt but refused to extend forgiveness to someone else. That story gives us a picture of what Jesus has done for us. Colossians tells us that through Christ, we have been forgiven. Jesus paid a debt we could never repay. He brought us into God’s Kingdom, gave us a new identity, and made His inheritance available to us. When you understand how much you have been forgiven, it changes the way you look at the people who have hurt you. Forgiveness does not mean what happened was acceptable. It does not mean there are no consequences, boundaries, or restitution. Forgiveness is about what you choose to carry in your own heart. You can hold someone responsible for appropriate consequences without allowing bitterness to hold you captive. When you refuse to forgive, the person who hurt you may continue living their life while you remain imprisoned by what happened. God wants you free. Forgiveness Is a Decision, Not a Feeling One of the biggest mistakes people make is waiting until they feel ready to forgive. Forgiveness is not primarily a feeling. It is an act of faith. Jesus modeled this for us. First Peter 2 says that when people insulted Him, He did not retaliate. When He suffered, He made no threats. Instead, He “entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” Jesus trusted the Father to be the judge, and you can do the same. You may not feel differently the moment you forgive someone. That is okay. Feelings follow. They do not lead. By faith, you can say, “God, I choose to forgive them. I release this into Your hands. You know what happened, You know the pain, and I trust You to judge justly.” That decision begins pulling the bitter root out of your heart. Guard Your Heart and Your Words Proverbs 4 tells us, “ Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. ” Your words reveal what has been growing in your heart. Jesus taught in Mark 11 that faith-filled words have authority. We love to quote the verses about speaking to the mountain, believing we receive, and seeing the answer come to pass. But sometimes we forget what Jesus says immediately afterward: when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them. That connection is important. You cannot spend a few minutes speaking the Word over your life and then spend the rest of the day criticizing people, complaining about your circumstances, speaking defeat, and feeding offense. Your words matter all day long. The same mouth you use to speak faith can also release fear, bitterness, judgment, and unbelief. You are constantly agreeing with something, so ask yourself: Are your words agreeing with heaven or with the enemy? Don’t Let Strife Take Root in Your Home This principle is especially important in marriage. Ephesians tells us not to let the sun go down while we are still angry because unresolved strife gives the enemy an opportunity. Marriage is a covenant of unity, and when bitterness and unforgiveness enter that relationship, they begin attacking the very agreement God designed to bring strength. If you have offended your spouse, apologize. If your spouse has hurt you, forgive. That does not mean ignoring problems. It means dealing with them without allowing resentment to take root. The enemy would love to use offense to divide your marriage, your family, your friendships, your church, or any other relationship God wants to use for His purposes. Don’t give him that opportunity. You will not go through life without someone hurting you. Offense will come. The question is what you will do with it when it arrives. You do not have to carry it, replay it, tell everyone about it, or let it become part of your identity. You can forgive by faith. You can trust God to judge justly. You can guard your heart, speak life, and pull the bitter root out before it has the opportunity to grow and affect anything else. Jesus has already paid the price for your freedom, and He wants you to experience everything He made available to you. So if the Holy Spirit is bringing someone or some situation to your mind right now, don’t ignore it. Give it to God. Forgive. Apologize if necessary. Make things right where you can. Your freedom is worth it. A Simple Prayer Father, thank You for the mercy and forgiveness You have shown me through Jesus. I choose today to forgive those who have hurt, disappointed, or offended me. I release them into Your hands and trust You to judge every situation justly. Forgive me for the times I have allowed bitterness, gossip, criticism, or unforgiveness to grow in my heart. Help me guard my heart and use my words to bring life, encouragement, and faith to the people around me. Show me if there is anyone I need to apologize to or anything I need to bring into the light. I receive Your freedom today and choose to walk in love, forgiveness, and obedience. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Reading Time 5 mins 59 secs – Have you ever sensed God calling you toward something bigger than what you can accomplish on your own? Perhaps it was restoring a relationship, launching a business, serving in ministry, changing careers, or believing Him for healing, provision, or freedom. Yet as soon as you considered taking that first step, your mind filled with questions. How will this happen? Where will the resources come from? What if it doesn’t work? Those questions are familiar to every believer because God’s promises often lead us beyond what seems naturally possible. Left to ourselves, we tend to evaluate every opportunity by our own experience, abilities, and resources. But God’s Kingdom doesn’t operate according to human limitations. It operates by faith. Too many Christians spend years living in what Proverbs describes as “hope deferred,” waiting for circumstances to change while never stepping toward what God has already promised. God never intended for His children to simply admire His promises from a distance. He invites us to believe His Word, act on it, and experience His faithfulness firsthand. Every Promise Carries God’s Ability When God makes a promise, He never asks you to accomplish it through your own strength. His promises are not empty wishes or encouraging thoughts. They carry His power to accomplish exactly what He has spoken. Isaiah reminds us that God’s Word never returns empty but accomplishes the purpose for which He sends it. When God speaks, He has already considered every obstacle, every need, and every detail you cannot yet see. Nothing catches Him by surprise. That truth changes how we respond when God leads us into unfamiliar territory. Instead of asking, “How am I going to make this happen?” we begin asking, “Lord, what are You asking me to do next?” Faith doesn’t require us to have every answer before we obey. It simply requires us to trust the One who does. Faith Moves Before You See the Outcome Hebrews 1:1 tells us that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” God’s Word becomes the evidence that gives us confidence to move forward even when visible proof has not yet appeared. Throughout Scripture, we see this pattern repeated again and again. Peter had to cast his line before finding the coin in the fish’s mouth. Joshua and the priests stepped into the overflowing Jordan River before the waters parted. The disciples seated thousands of hungry people before the loaves and fish multiplied. In every case, obedience came before the miracle. God rarely reveals every detail in advance because He is teaching us to trust Him instead of our own understanding. As we move toward His promise, He faithfully reveals the next step. Revelation follows obedience. Stop Measuring God’s Promise by Your Resources One of the greatest obstacles to walking by faith is our tendency to evaluate God’s calling based on what we currently possess. We look at our bank account, our experience, our education, or our circumstances and conclude that what God has placed in our hearts is impossible. But impossible according to whom? If God has truly spoken, then His promise is not limited by your current resources. He already knows what you need before you ever take the first step. He knows the people you’ll meet, the opportunities He will open, and the provision He has already prepared. The God who gives the assignment also provides everything necessary to fulfill it. Our responsibility is not to manufacture the outcome. Our responsibility is to trust His Word enough to begin walking. Faith Always Has Corresponding Action James 2:17 teaches that faith without works is dead. Genuine faith always produces action because believing God changes the way we live. A farmer builds a barn because he expects a harvest. A fisherman prepares his equipment because he expects to catch fish. Expectation always leads to preparation. The same principle applies to every promise God gives us. When we truly believe His Word, our actions begin to reflect that confidence. We pray differently. We speak differently. We prepare differently. We stop waiting for perfect conditions and begin positioning ourselves for what God has promised to do. Faith is never passive. It responds. Don’t Leave the Promise Unclaimed Second Corinthians 1:20 tells us that every promise of God is “Yes” in Christ. Through Jesus, we have been welcomed into God’s Kingdom and invited to live under His covenant promises. Those promises were never intended to remain words on a page. They were given so we could experience God’s goodness in every area of life. The question isn’t whether God is faithful. The question is whether we are willing to believe Him enough to move. Faith doesn’t wait until every detail is clear. It responds to God’s Word with confidence, trusting that He will reveal each step in His perfect timing. As we walk in obedience, we begin to see His faithfulness unfold in ways we never could have orchestrated ourselves. What promise has God placed before you? Where is He asking you to trust Him instead of your own understanding? Perhaps today is your opportunity to stop waiting for certainty and begin walking by faith. As you take that first step of obedience, remember this: God already knows the way forward. He has already prepared what you cannot yet see, and He is faithful to accomplish everything He has promised. When you move toward His promise, you’ll discover that He has been preparing the way all along. A Simple Prayer Father, thank You that every promise You make is trustworthy and backed by Your power. Forgive me for the times I’ve allowed fear, doubt, or my own understanding to keep me from moving forward in faith. Teach me to trust Your Word more than my circumstances and to recognize the next step You are calling me to take. Give me the courage to obey even when I cannot see the entire path ahead, knowing that You are faithful to provide everything I need. Help me walk confidently in the promises You have prepared for me and experience the fullness of life You desire for Your children. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Reading Time 5 mins 07 secs – Many Christians know what God has promised. They’ve read the verses. They’ve heard the sermons. They believe God is faithful. Yet they still wonder why they aren’t seeing breakthrough. Why does fear keep returning? Why does peace seem so difficult to hold onto? Why do God’s promises sometimes feel distant from everyday life? The problem often isn’t that God has failed to provide. The problem is that many believers have never learned how His Kingdom works. God never intended His children to simply know His promises. He intended them to live in them. You Belong to the Kingdom Paul writes that we are “ No longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household ” (Ephesians 2:19, NIV). The moment you accepted Jesus Christ, everything changed. You weren’t simply forgiven. You became a citizen of God’s Kingdom. Citizenship comes with rights. Every nation has laws that protect its citizens and benefits they are entitled to receive. God’s Kingdom is no different. When you were rescued from the kingdom of darkness and brought into God’s Kingdom, every promise He has made became part of your inheritance. You have a legal right to everything God says belongs to His children. The question is whether you’re living like a citizen. Knowing Isn’t Enough Many people assume that knowing God’s promises is enough. But Scripture teaches something different. You can know what God says and still fail to experience it. Imagine owning a field. The deed is in your name. You clear away the weeds and prepare the soil. But you never plant a seed. The land belongs to you, yet it produces nothing because you never put it to work. Many believers treat God’s promises the same way. They know them. They can quote them. But they never learn how to apply them to their lives. God’s promises were never meant to stay on the pages of your Bible. They were meant to become your reality. Prioritize Standing Your Ground Paul tells believers to “put on the full armor of God” so they can stand against the schemes of the enemy. Then he repeats the same instruction again and again: Stand. Stand your ground. Stand firm. The enemy’s greatest weapon is often intimidation. He wants you to surrender what God has already promised. He fills your mind with fear, doubt, and discouragement, hoping you’ll abandon your confidence before the answer comes. But Scripture says the shield of faith extinguishes every fiery dart of the enemy. Fear doesn’t have to control your thinking. When you know who you are in Christ and what God’s Word says about you, you don't have to agree with the enemy. You agree with God. Apply What God Has Given One of the most powerful verses in Hebrews says that the heroes of faith, Through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised (Hebrews 11:33a, NIV). Notice the progression: They believed. They acted. Then they received what God had promised. Faith is more than believing God can do something. Faith responds. It takes hold of what God has already provided. Jesus demonstrated this throughout His ministry. When He encountered sickness, He spoke to it. When He encountered demonic oppression, He commanded it to leave. He applied the authority that already belonged to Him. As citizens of God’s Kingdom, we have been given authority through Christ. That doesn’t mean we control God. It means we agree with His Word, receive His promises by faith, and apply them to the situations we face. Don’t Settle for Less In the book of Judges, the Israelites abandoned the fertile land God had given them and hid in caves because they were afraid of their enemies. Instead of standing on God’s promise, they adjusted their lives around fear. How often do we do the same? We settle for anxiety. We accept defeat. We lower our expectations. We begin believing our circumstances have the final word. But God’s Word says otherwise. If He says He will provide, believe Him. If He says He has given you peace, receive it. If He says healing belongs to His children, stand on His promise. Don’t build your future around what the enemy says is possible. Build it on what God has declared. Every Promise Is Already “Yes” Scripture says that every promise of God is “Yes” in Christ. God has already spoken. His promises are already established. Our response is faith. Our response is “Amen.” “So be it.” When we agree with God’s Word, stand our ground, and refuse to be moved by fear, we position ourselves to experience what He has already provided. God isn’t withholding His promises. He invites us to understand His Kingdom and walk confidently in the authority He has given us. His promises are still true. His Kingdom still works. And everything He has spoken remains available to those who believe Him. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for making me a citizen of Your Kingdom through Jesus Christ. Help me understand what You have already provided for me and teach me to walk confidently in every promise You have given. Strengthen my faith to stand firm when challenges come and to agree with Your Word instead of fear. Show me how to apply Your truth to every area of my life and trust that Your promises are always faithful. Thank You that every promise is “Yes” in Christ. I receive what You have prepared for me and choose to stand on Your Word today. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.