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What to Do When You Get Your Feelings Hurt

Drenda Keesee • May 22, 2020
Hurt feelings destroy so many relationships.

We all do and say things that often unintentionally hurt another. And in the course of life and relationships, our own feelings get hurt.

Most of these slights and misunderstandings are just that, misunderstandings. There is the occasional intentional offensive action, but much of the time it's unintentional.

At least that's the way it used to be.

Today we see people taking to social media to say abusive things, curse profusely at those who don't agree with them, or say things with innuendos because they are too cowardly to discuss their offense one-on-one with the person (which is the only way to seek resolution by the way).

It's sad to see how mean-spirited and intolerant some people can be while demanding tolerance for "their" views.

While we can't change this in others, we can work on our relationships, and ourselves.

After years of working with people and observing my own shortcomings, I've come to the conclusion that our egos (pride) gets in the way of relationships.

We're all looking for others to make us feel special, valued, and even exceptional; and when others fail to do what we need, we get our feelings hurt, we retreat, or sulk, or punish the other person with our withdrawal.

I've watched friendships be destroyed, marriages broken, families devastated, businesses fail, and worse, God's Kingdom hindered, because we bruise easily and our pride keeps us from mending the hurts.

Social media has created an opportunity for people to take their hurts to a whole new level of name-calling. For a generation that has been indoctrinated with tolerance messaging, when their toes get stepped on, they are the most intolerant versions of themselves.

It's that type of pride that makes us expect the OTHER person to fix things while neglecting any personal responsibility. Of course that's the message being pushed in this hour, to live for the moment and do what feels good instead of what is right because it's right.

The culture is out of control, and we can't afford to fall into their divisive worldly attitudes, which lead to rebellious ways.

There is a way that seems right but ends in destruction.

If we follow celebrity culture, we will end up with their results—over 80 percent divorce rates and the highest incidences of drug/alcohol abuse and early deaths/suicides.

And these are our role models? They're the ones who tell us how to believe and how to vote, what's right and what's wrong?

They’re supposed to be role models for our lives and children?

I don't think so!

Yet they are fueling the division they scream against.

That's the confusion of the hour. In the last days, people will be lovers of self, lovers of pleasure, lovers of money, abusive, slanderers, disobedient to parents, boastful, and proud. Sound familiar?

To stay true to God's purpose for lives, we must divorce celebrity values and realign our beliefs and actions with something higher than paid actors.

I've been married 34 years and have raised a successful family and experienced solid financial freedom while all along the way struggling to swim upstream—with the culture quick to mow my family down if allowed. We continue to experience a good life because we didn't take the short route to success through compromise. We were tempted at times, and, yes, there was a price to go against the grain, but I'm grateful we did! Sure, we've made some mistakes along the way, but God has a way of helping us all course correct when we correct our attitudes and humble ourselves before His Word and ways.

A female minister said on social media, "We don't need more truth tellers..." I couldn't disagree more.

We do need to tell the truth (with love). It is the truth that sets people free.

Jesus is not a way to truth; He is THE way.

We must be careful to say the truth with the least offense, but it has to be truth nonetheless. And expect it will often be offensive to those who are rebelling against it.

I'm so glad someone told me the truth when I was a mixed-up, young woman headed down a road of destruction. I heard it. I heeded the correction, and today my life has the fruit of my changed choices.

We must make sure our ways mirror the Word of God if we are going to live free and inherit the blessings of God for our lives.

This is not the hour to compromise to keep from getting our feelings hurt. And at the same time, we shouldn't be on a mission to blast people with offensive actions or attitudes.

The enemy is looking for an open door in all of our lives. Getting our feelings hurt and harboring an offense over it is the number one way I know he enters lives—next to blatant disobedience or rebellion.


What should we do when we get our feelings hurt?

First, pray.

Pray and ask God to help you sort through your hurt. Hurt usually leads to offense, then anger, and then paybacks through disloyalty and betrayal. Which phase of the pathway are you at?

God always helps us see things through His eyes. It minimizes the offense and helps us see our lack of innocence in the situation.

I once saw a Facebook post where a Christian was calling out another Christian for saying some offensive things and for judging a situation unfairly and being insensitive. Of course, people began to pile on the offenses, insults, and judgments and suggesting paybacks to justify their friend's hurt. It was clear that they were all guilty of the very thing that they had accused the other person of in the first place.

Prayer helps us see things as they are, not as we justify ourselves to "feel." It's much easier to forgive others when we realize just how much forgiveness we need.

Pray and then choose to forgive just as God chose to forgive us through Jesus.

Forgiveness is different than compromise. We cannot compromise what God says about a subject in order to "love" someone. We love the person, and we can embrace a person but not embrace sin as acceptable. But first, we must get the plank out of our own eye.

Once we choose to forgive by faith in the work of Jesus, now we have a right mind and heart toward the other person. If we need to talk this situation out, then the Holy Spirit will show us how to go about it in a spirit of love and will also show us the right timing.

There are situations that are better left unspoken—when we have harbored something in our heart, we can deal with God alone. Then there are times we must go and talk through situations with others in a true spirit of humility and desire for reconciliation. We must hear how and when to do this from the Holy Spirit.

Regardless of how other people may get offended or react in life, we can stay free from offense when we honor God and the people He made and loves. The Golden rule to “do unto others the way you would want them to do unto you” is still golden.

Next time you are hurt (and there will be a next time), don't take to social media to air your grievances.

Take the following three simple steps instead:

1. Pray.

2. Forgive.

3. Develop a “Plan of communication and restoration.”

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For more help with keeping your feelings in check, download Drenda's book, Better than You Feel.

By Gary Keesee 08 May, 2024
Reading Time 3 mins 43 secs – Are you happy right now? Or are you feeling a little grumpy, or negative, or sorry for yourself? We’ve all been there. Years ago, I had one of those months. Yes, I said months , not days. I was negative. I was feeling sorry for myself. The weight and pressures of life and certain situations were bearing down on me. For some reason, during that time, I went to a conference I really didn’t feel like going to, and the speaker got up and said he was going to talk about being thankful. Great , I thought. Just what I want to hear. What I really wanted was for someone to join me in my pity party. But that wasn’t happening. Because God knew that wasn’t what I needed. He knew I needed someone to tell me the truth. See, I had taken my eyes off of all of the blessings of God. I had stopped remembering all of the amazing times He had come through for me. I had taken my focus off of His promises and put it on my problems. That message was just what I needed. The Holy Spirit dealt with me right then about my heart and how I had been ungrateful. I had to repent. God set me free that day. Here’s the thing: studies show that when you’re happy and thankful , you have 17% more friends. When you’re happy, you live longer and you have less health problems like heart attacks, strokes, colds, the flu, and even pain. Being grateful also strengthens your emotions, makes you more optimistic and less self-centered, improves your sleep, increases your self-esteem and your energy, helps you bounce back after a setback, reduces feelings of envy, helps your marriage, makes you look better, and makes you more productive. Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) says, “ A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones .” See that? Happiness is like medicine. Discouragement sucks the life out of you. Are you reading this and thinking, “ Gary, you don’t know what I’m going through. I have serious problems” ? I understand. But here’s the thing: happiness is not circumstantial. Happiness is a choice you make. I hear it all the time… “Gary, you don’t understand. I hate my house.” Sell it. “Gary, you don’t get it. I hate my job.” Quit it. Find a new one. “Gary, I just hate my life.” CHANGE it. You’re not stuck. You have options. Every single day, you make choices to do something or NOT do something. And you have plenty of reasons to be happy. Stop thinking you can only be happy when everything seems “perfect.” Because “perfect” is really rare, and I do mean really rare. In fact, odds are there will always be something in your life that isn’t “perfect.” The good news is, no matter what you go through or deal with in life, you can still be thankful and happy, because you can always trust God despite your circumstances. Philippians 4:6 (NIV) says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God .” Wait. Did you see what that said? Notice it didn’t say, “Only be anxious about the big things you can’t handle on your own.” Nope. It says don’t be anxious about anything . It also says by prayer—and with thanksgiving —present your requests to God. That means you should be thanking Him for all He’s already done and for what He’s about to do in your situation. You should be thanking Him before your answer shows up, because He’s faithful and good. Look at Judges 20:19–25. There, we see the nation of Israel suffering great loss after a huge battle. They had lost 22,000 men. 22,000. Can you even imagine? I’m sure you’ll agree that that was a really bad day. Then, on the second day of battle, they lost 18,000 more men. 40,000 men lost in two days. The Bible tells us they took a day off at that point. They stopped and regrouped. Then, in verse 26, we see that the entire army presented offerings of thanksgiving to God. Things had gone really wrong, and they needed to remind themselves that God was for them, that He is good and faithful, that He was with them. And the next day, they went out and won the battle. So, what about you, friend? Do you need to stop? Do you need to take your mind off the negative and remind yourself that God is for you, that He is good and faithful, and that He is with you?
By Gary Keesee 10 Apr, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 13 secs – In John 6, we read the story of Jesus feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Do you know it? It’s where we see Jesus teaching the disciples how to release the Kingdom of God into the earth realm. Basically, a large crowd was following Jesus, listening to Him teach, and watching Him perform miracles. It got to a point where the people needed to eat, and Jesus asked the disciples what they planned to feed the people. Of course, Jesus knew the disciples would freak out. They couldn’t feed 5,000 people. In fact, they started talking about how it would take more than half a year’s wages to buy just a bite for that many people. Jesus was teaching the disciples, and He was teaching us— the Kingdom of God has all the answers you need . How can you release the Kingdom of God into your life? Here are the five steps Jesus took. 1. Look at what you have. Jesus asked the disciples what they had to feed the people. What do you have in your life that you can give God to work with? Jesus multiplied bread into bread and fish into fish. What do you need multiplied in your life? Find some of it. That’s your seed. Also, remember that money can be named. You don’t sow money to believe for more paper or digital money. Money represents your life and can be named to be the thing you need multiplied. 2. Make sure you’re in faith. “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see” (Hebrews 11:1, GNT). You have to know how to judge whether or not you’re in faith. How? Do you have the right picture? When you close your eyes, what do you see? Do you see yourself with the thing you’re believing for? Can you defend your position? Why do you believe it? Prove it! Because you can be sure that between the “Amen” and the “There it is!” the enemy is going to contend for it, so you better be able to defend it. Do you have joy, expectancy, and peace? Are you in agreement with your spouse? 3. Confess over what you have, and release it in faith. Be specific. Say exactly what you’re believing for and release the seed to God. 4. Get the plan from God. Be ready for new direction, new ideas, and new concepts by revelation from the Holy Spirit. Carry a notepad and a pen. Write everything down. 5. Act quickly! When God gives you the plan, MOVE! It’s wise to have counselors and get wisdom, but you need to act swiftly on any direction you receive from the Holy Spirit.
By Gary Keesee 13 Mar, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 34 secs – How can you make sure you’re equipped for the growth coming your way this year? Here are my 10 steps to posture yourself for opportunity and success. 1. Ask yourself how you’re handling your current responsibilities. Don’t run from your responsibilities. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you should be a success. People will still see the evidence of God even if you think you’re in the wrong spot. 2. Detox your life of the things that keep you from having time to think. We live in a fast-paced world. There are plenty of things that can keep you distracted. But it’s in the moments that you stop to think that you’ll find ways to solve problems, and that’s where the opportunities are. So figure out what is consuming your time. Start saying no to some things. Find time to think. 3. Don’t hang around people who are always losing. I know people hit rough spots, but if the people in your life are chronically losing, it’s time to expand your circle. Hang around people who are better than you are, who don’t see things as impossible, and who have vision. It may be uncomfortable for you, but their influence will cause you to think differently. 4. Write down EVERY idea that you have, no matter how strange it seems. Most people filter opportunities and ideas through what they perceive their ability to be. This means most people discard ideas by the dozens because they don’t think they can do them. But God isn’t limited to what you know how to do. The ideas He gives you might seem so weird to you that you can’t process them fully. Write them down so you have time to think about them. 5. Research. Research. Repeat. You don’t need to know how to do something; you need to know how to learn how to do it. Research until you find what you’re looking for. 6. Count the cost before you jump. A lot of Christians hear God and jump out too soon, resulting in catastrophe. There are seasons for everything. God will prepare you for where He wants you to go. Be patient. 7. Always be in agreement with your spouse. Never, ever march out into battle without your spouse being in total agreement and your faith aligned. 8. Ask God for direction. Ask Him to help you, to show you where to go, and what to do. And always remember that prophecy from other people shouldn’t lead you; it should only confirm what God has already said to you. 9. Commit to never quit. Quitting is not an option. Once you’ve moved, don’t move again until God speaks to you. Stay with it. Walk it out. Don’t quit. So many people have so much potential, but they get uncomfortable and they quit. If you want to win, you should always be stretching. 10. Get ready to embrace bigger things. Your ability to see the big picture will keep growing as you change and grow on the inside. You’ll pick up on even more opportunities. For more principles, check out this FREE video on success.
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