What to Do When You Get Your Feelings Hurt
Drenda Keesee • May 22, 2020
Hurt feelings destroy so many relationships.
We all
do and say things that often unintentionally hurt another. And in the course of life and relationships, our own feelings get hurt.
Most of these slights and misunderstandings are just that, misunderstandings.
There is the occasional intentional offensive action, but much of the time it's unintentional.
At least that's the way it used to be.
Today we see people taking to social media to say abusive things, curse profusely at those who don't agree with them, or say things with innuendos because they are too cowardly to discuss their offense one-on-one with the person (which is the only way to seek resolution by the way).
It's sad to see how mean-spirited and intolerant some people can be while demanding tolerance for "their" views.
While we can't change this in others, we can work on our relationships, and ourselves.
After years of working with people and observing my own shortcomings, I've come to the conclusion that our egos (pride) gets in the way of relationships.
We're all looking for others to make us feel special, valued, and even exceptional; and when others fail to do what we need, we get our feelings hurt, we retreat, or sulk, or punish the other person with our withdrawal.
I've watched friendships be destroyed, marriages broken, families devastated, businesses fail, and worse, God's Kingdom hindered, because we bruise easily and our pride keeps us from mending the hurts.
Social media has created an opportunity for people to take their hurts to a whole new level of name-calling. For a generation that has been indoctrinated with tolerance messaging, when their toes get stepped on, they are the most intolerant versions of themselves.
It's that type of pride that makes us expect the OTHER person to fix things while neglecting any personal responsibility. Of course that's the message being pushed in this hour, to live for the moment and do what feels good instead of what is right because it's right.
The culture is out of control, and we can't afford to fall into their divisive worldly attitudes, which lead to rebellious ways.
There is a way that seems right but ends in destruction.
If we follow celebrity culture, we will end up with their results—over 80 percent divorce rates and the highest incidences of drug/alcohol abuse and early deaths/suicides.
And these are our role models? They're the ones who tell us how to believe and how to vote, what's right and what's wrong?
They’re supposed to be role models for our lives and children?
I don't think so!
Yet they are fueling the division they scream against.
That's the confusion of the hour. In the last days, people will be lovers of self, lovers of pleasure, lovers of money, abusive, slanderers, disobedient to parents, boastful, and proud. Sound familiar?
To stay true to God's purpose for lives, we must divorce celebrity values and realign our beliefs and actions with something higher than paid actors.
I've been married 34 years and have raised a successful family and experienced solid financial freedom while all along the way struggling to swim upstream—with the culture quick to mow my family down if allowed. We continue to experience a good life because we didn't take the short route to success through compromise. We were tempted at times, and, yes, there was a price to go against the grain, but I'm grateful we did! Sure, we've made some mistakes along the way, but God has a way of helping us all course correct when we correct our attitudes and humble ourselves before His Word and ways.
A female minister said on social media, "We don't need more truth tellers..."
I couldn't disagree more.
We do need to tell the truth (with love). It is the truth that sets people free.
Jesus is not a way to truth; He is THE way.
We must be careful to say the truth with the least offense, but it has to be truth nonetheless. And expect it will often be offensive to those who are rebelling against it.
I'm so glad someone told me the truth when I was a mixed-up, young woman headed down a road of destruction. I heard it. I heeded the correction, and today my life has the fruit of my changed choices.
We must make sure our ways mirror the Word of God if we are going to live free and inherit the blessings of God for our lives.
This is not the hour to compromise to keep from getting our feelings hurt. And at the same time, we shouldn't be on a mission to blast people with offensive actions or attitudes.
The enemy is looking for an open door in all of our lives. Getting our feelings hurt and harboring an offense over it is the number one way I know he enters lives—next to blatant disobedience or rebellion.
What should we do when we get our feelings hurt?
First, pray.
Pray and ask God to help you sort through your hurt. Hurt usually leads to offense, then anger, and then paybacks through disloyalty and betrayal. Which phase of the pathway are you at?
God always helps us see things through His eyes. It minimizes the offense and helps us see our lack of innocence in the situation.
I once saw a Facebook post where a Christian was calling out another Christian for saying some offensive things and for judging a situation unfairly and being insensitive. Of course, people began to pile on the offenses, insults, and judgments and suggesting paybacks to justify their friend's hurt. It was clear that they were all guilty of the very thing that they had accused the other person of in the first place.
Prayer helps us see things as they are, not as we justify ourselves to "feel." It's much easier to forgive others when we realize just how much forgiveness we
need.
Pray and then choose to forgive just as God chose to forgive us through Jesus.
Forgiveness is different than compromise. We cannot compromise what God says about a subject in order to "love" someone. We love the person, and we can embrace a person but not embrace sin as acceptable. But first, we must get the plank out of our own eye.
Once we choose to forgive by faith in the work of Jesus, now we have a right mind and heart toward the other person. If we need to talk this situation out, then the Holy Spirit will show us how to go about it in a spirit of love and will also show us the right timing.
There are situations that are better left unspoken—when we have harbored something in our heart, we can deal with God alone.
Then there are times we must go and talk through situations with others in a true spirit of humility and desire for reconciliation. We must hear how and when to do this from the Holy Spirit.
Regardless of how other people may get offended or react in life, we can stay free from offense when we honor God and the people He made and loves. The Golden rule to “do unto others the way you would want them to do unto you” is still golden.
Next time you are hurt
(and there will
be a next time), don't take to social media to air your grievances.
Take the following three simple steps instead:
1. Pray.
2. Forgive.
3. Develop a “Plan of communication and restoration.”
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For more help with keeping your feelings in check, download Drenda's book, Better than You Feel.
Reading Time 5 mins 59 secs – Have you ever sensed God calling you toward something bigger than what you can accomplish on your own? Perhaps it was restoring a relationship, launching a business, serving in ministry, changing careers, or believing Him for healing, provision, or freedom. Yet as soon as you considered taking that first step, your mind filled with questions. How will this happen? Where will the resources come from? What if it doesn’t work? Those questions are familiar to every believer because God’s promises often lead us beyond what seems naturally possible. Left to ourselves, we tend to evaluate every opportunity by our own experience, abilities, and resources. But God’s Kingdom doesn’t operate according to human limitations. It operates by faith. Too many Christians spend years living in what Proverbs describes as “hope deferred,” waiting for circumstances to change while never stepping toward what God has already promised. God never intended for His children to simply admire His promises from a distance. He invites us to believe His Word, act on it, and experience His faithfulness firsthand. Every Promise Carries God’s Ability When God makes a promise, He never asks you to accomplish it through your own strength. His promises are not empty wishes or encouraging thoughts. They carry His power to accomplish exactly what He has spoken. Isaiah reminds us that God’s Word never returns empty but accomplishes the purpose for which He sends it. When God speaks, He has already considered every obstacle, every need, and every detail you cannot yet see. Nothing catches Him by surprise. That truth changes how we respond when God leads us into unfamiliar territory. Instead of asking, “How am I going to make this happen?” we begin asking, “Lord, what are You asking me to do next?” Faith doesn’t require us to have every answer before we obey. It simply requires us to trust the One who does. Faith Moves Before You See the Outcome Hebrews 1:1 tells us that “faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” God’s Word becomes the evidence that gives us confidence to move forward even when visible proof has not yet appeared. Throughout Scripture, we see this pattern repeated again and again. Peter had to cast his line before finding the coin in the fish’s mouth. Joshua and the priests stepped into the overflowing Jordan River before the waters parted. The disciples seated thousands of hungry people before the loaves and fish multiplied. In every case, obedience came before the miracle. God rarely reveals every detail in advance because He is teaching us to trust Him instead of our own understanding. As we move toward His promise, He faithfully reveals the next step. Revelation follows obedience. Stop Measuring God’s Promise by Your Resources One of the greatest obstacles to walking by faith is our tendency to evaluate God’s calling based on what we currently possess. We look at our bank account, our experience, our education, or our circumstances and conclude that what God has placed in our hearts is impossible. But impossible according to whom? If God has truly spoken, then His promise is not limited by your current resources. He already knows what you need before you ever take the first step. He knows the people you’ll meet, the opportunities He will open, and the provision He has already prepared. The God who gives the assignment also provides everything necessary to fulfill it. Our responsibility is not to manufacture the outcome. Our responsibility is to trust His Word enough to begin walking. Faith Always Has Corresponding Action James 2:17 teaches that faith without works is dead. Genuine faith always produces action because believing God changes the way we live. A farmer builds a barn because he expects a harvest. A fisherman prepares his equipment because he expects to catch fish. Expectation always leads to preparation. The same principle applies to every promise God gives us. When we truly believe His Word, our actions begin to reflect that confidence. We pray differently. We speak differently. We prepare differently. We stop waiting for perfect conditions and begin positioning ourselves for what God has promised to do. Faith is never passive. It responds. Don’t Leave the Promise Unclaimed Second Corinthians 1:20 tells us that every promise of God is “Yes” in Christ. Through Jesus, we have been welcomed into God’s Kingdom and invited to live under His covenant promises. Those promises were never intended to remain words on a page. They were given so we could experience God’s goodness in every area of life. The question isn’t whether God is faithful. The question is whether we are willing to believe Him enough to move. Faith doesn’t wait until every detail is clear. It responds to God’s Word with confidence, trusting that He will reveal each step in His perfect timing. As we walk in obedience, we begin to see His faithfulness unfold in ways we never could have orchestrated ourselves. What promise has God placed before you? Where is He asking you to trust Him instead of your own understanding? Perhaps today is your opportunity to stop waiting for certainty and begin walking by faith. As you take that first step of obedience, remember this: God already knows the way forward. He has already prepared what you cannot yet see, and He is faithful to accomplish everything He has promised. When you move toward His promise, you’ll discover that He has been preparing the way all along. A Simple Prayer Father, thank You that every promise You make is trustworthy and backed by Your power. Forgive me for the times I’ve allowed fear, doubt, or my own understanding to keep me from moving forward in faith. Teach me to trust Your Word more than my circumstances and to recognize the next step You are calling me to take. Give me the courage to obey even when I cannot see the entire path ahead, knowing that You are faithful to provide everything I need. Help me walk confidently in the promises You have prepared for me and experience the fullness of life You desire for Your children. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Reading Time 5 mins 07 secs – Many Christians know what God has promised. They’ve read the verses. They’ve heard the sermons. They believe God is faithful. Yet they still wonder why they aren’t seeing breakthrough. Why does fear keep returning? Why does peace seem so difficult to hold onto? Why do God’s promises sometimes feel distant from everyday life? The problem often isn’t that God has failed to provide. The problem is that many believers have never learned how His Kingdom works. God never intended His children to simply know His promises. He intended them to live in them. You Belong to the Kingdom Paul writes that we are “ No longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household ” (Ephesians 2:19, NIV). The moment you accepted Jesus Christ, everything changed. You weren’t simply forgiven. You became a citizen of God’s Kingdom. Citizenship comes with rights. Every nation has laws that protect its citizens and benefits they are entitled to receive. God’s Kingdom is no different. When you were rescued from the kingdom of darkness and brought into God’s Kingdom, every promise He has made became part of your inheritance. You have a legal right to everything God says belongs to His children. The question is whether you’re living like a citizen. Knowing Isn’t Enough Many people assume that knowing God’s promises is enough. But Scripture teaches something different. You can know what God says and still fail to experience it. Imagine owning a field. The deed is in your name. You clear away the weeds and prepare the soil. But you never plant a seed. The land belongs to you, yet it produces nothing because you never put it to work. Many believers treat God’s promises the same way. They know them. They can quote them. But they never learn how to apply them to their lives. God’s promises were never meant to stay on the pages of your Bible. They were meant to become your reality. Prioritize Standing Your Ground Paul tells believers to “put on the full armor of God” so they can stand against the schemes of the enemy. Then he repeats the same instruction again and again: Stand. Stand your ground. Stand firm. The enemy’s greatest weapon is often intimidation. He wants you to surrender what God has already promised. He fills your mind with fear, doubt, and discouragement, hoping you’ll abandon your confidence before the answer comes. But Scripture says the shield of faith extinguishes every fiery dart of the enemy. Fear doesn’t have to control your thinking. When you know who you are in Christ and what God’s Word says about you, you don't have to agree with the enemy. You agree with God. Apply What God Has Given One of the most powerful verses in Hebrews says that the heroes of faith, Through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised (Hebrews 11:33a, NIV). Notice the progression: They believed. They acted. Then they received what God had promised. Faith is more than believing God can do something. Faith responds. It takes hold of what God has already provided. Jesus demonstrated this throughout His ministry. When He encountered sickness, He spoke to it. When He encountered demonic oppression, He commanded it to leave. He applied the authority that already belonged to Him. As citizens of God’s Kingdom, we have been given authority through Christ. That doesn’t mean we control God. It means we agree with His Word, receive His promises by faith, and apply them to the situations we face. Don’t Settle for Less In the book of Judges, the Israelites abandoned the fertile land God had given them and hid in caves because they were afraid of their enemies. Instead of standing on God’s promise, they adjusted their lives around fear. How often do we do the same? We settle for anxiety. We accept defeat. We lower our expectations. We begin believing our circumstances have the final word. But God’s Word says otherwise. If He says He will provide, believe Him. If He says He has given you peace, receive it. If He says healing belongs to His children, stand on His promise. Don’t build your future around what the enemy says is possible. Build it on what God has declared. Every Promise Is Already “Yes” Scripture says that every promise of God is “Yes” in Christ. God has already spoken. His promises are already established. Our response is faith. Our response is “Amen.” “So be it.” When we agree with God’s Word, stand our ground, and refuse to be moved by fear, we position ourselves to experience what He has already provided. God isn’t withholding His promises. He invites us to understand His Kingdom and walk confidently in the authority He has given us. His promises are still true. His Kingdom still works. And everything He has spoken remains available to those who believe Him. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for making me a citizen of Your Kingdom through Jesus Christ. Help me understand what You have already provided for me and teach me to walk confidently in every promise You have given. Strengthen my faith to stand firm when challenges come and to agree with Your Word instead of fear. Show me how to apply Your truth to every area of my life and trust that Your promises are always faithful. Thank You that every promise is “Yes” in Christ. I receive what You have prepared for me and choose to stand on Your Word today. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.
Reading Time 5 mins 48 secs – Most people were never designed to simply survive. Yet that is exactly how many live. Paycheck to paycheck. Bill to bill. Problem to problem. When life becomes a constant struggle to make ends meet, dreams often begin to disappear. Vision fades. Purpose becomes difficult to see. Instead of building something meaningful, people spend their energy trying to escape pressure, avoid emergencies, and make it through another week. But that was never God's design. Money Is Not the Problem Many Christians have been taught to view money with suspicion. Some assume that having money is wrong. Others believe that prosperity and spirituality cannot coexist. Yet Scripture does not say money is evil. Paul told Timothy that “ the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil ” (1 Timothy 6:10, NIV). The problem was never money itself. The problem was allowing money to become an idol. Money itself is simply a tool. Like any tool, it can be used for good or for harm. A hammer can build a house or break a window. The issue is not the tool. The issue is the heart of the person using it. God never intended His people to fear money. He intended them to understand it, steward it, and use it for Kingdom purposes. The Curse Was More Than Sin When Adam and Eve walked with God in the Garden, they lacked nothing. There was no fear. No shortage. No survival mentality. Everything they needed was already provided. But after the Fall, humanity entered what Scripture describes as a cursed system of painful toil, sweat, thorns, and thistles. God told Adam that the ground was cursed and that food would now come through painful labor and the sweat of his brow. From that moment forward, people found themselves fighting simply to survive. Many people are still living under that mindset today. They work jobs they dislike because they feel trapped. They surrender dreams because they feel they have no options. They lose sight of who they are because survival consumes all their attention. But Jesus came to bring something different. Good News for the Poor When Jesus announced His ministry, He stood in the synagogue, opened the scroll of Isaiah, and declared that the Spirit of the Lord had anointed Him to proclaim good news to the poor. Jesus knew that poverty was about more than money. It affects how people see themselves. Dreams are exchanged for desperation. Purpose is replaced by pressure. Jesus came to restore more than provision. He came to restore identity. Think about that. What is good news to someone who is poor? The good news is not that poverty is a blessing. The good news is freedom. Freedom from bondage. Freedom from limitation. Freedom from a system that keeps people trapped. Isaiah’s prophecy continues by describing broken hearts being healed, captives being set free, and those who mourn receiving beauty instead of ashes. It paints a picture of restoration. Jesus came to restore what was lost. He came to reconnect people to the Kingdom of God and the resources, wisdom, and provision that flow from it. You Were Created to Create One of the greatest lies people believe is that they are destined to spend their lives confined by limitations. But you were made in the image of God. God creates. And He created you with the ability to create as well. You were not designed to live without vision. You were not designed to live without purpose. You were not designed to spend your life trapped in survival mode. God reminded Israel in Deuteronomy 8 not to forget where their increase came from. As they entered a land of abundance, built fine houses, and watched their silver and gold multiply, He warned them not to believe their own strength had produced it. Instead, He said, “ Remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth ” (Deuteronomy 8:18, NIV). Notice what it does not say. It does not say God gives everyone wealth without responsibility. It says He gives the ability. The wisdom. The ideas. The opportunities. The strategies. The insight. Often, one God-given idea can change the course of an entire life. The Blessing Works Through You Many people spend their lives looking for something to bless. The Kingdom works differently. God blesses people. When Joseph was placed in charge of Potiphar's household, everything under his care prospered because the blessing was operating through Joseph. The blessing was not on the building. The blessing was on the person. The same principle appears in Deuteronomy 28, where God promises to bless everything His people put their hands to. The blessing wasn't on the barns. The blessing was on the people filling the barns. Wherever you place your hand in obedience to God, His favor, wisdom, and provision can flow through you into that assignment. You carry Kingdom authority. You carry Kingdom citizenship. You carry Kingdom potential. You Can Start Today Perhaps you feel trapped in survival mode. Maybe debt has stolen your peace. Maybe disappointment has caused you to lower your expectations. Maybe you’ve stopped dreaming because life has become about getting through the next month. God has not forgotten you. His Kingdom still operates. His promises still work. His wisdom is still available. His favor still opens doors. Paul wrote that God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask, think, or imagine according to His power at work within us. And the same God who gives seed to the sower still gives His people the power to produce wealth, create value, serve others, and fulfill their purpose. You do not have to spend your life surviving. In Christ, there is a better way. A Simple Prayer Father, Thank You for sending Jesus to redeem me from every part of the curse and to bring me into Your Kingdom. Help me renew my thinking where I have accepted survival as my destiny. Show me the opportunities, wisdom, and purpose You have prepared for my life. Teach me to steward resources faithfully, trust Your promises completely, and use every blessing to advance Your Kingdom. Thank You for giving me the power to produce wealth and the grace to fulfill my assignment. In Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.