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Nasty Will Get You Nowhere. What Should You Do Instead?

Drenda Keesee • Sep 01, 2020
There I was getting my nails done when I remembered…

I had left a pan of boiling vinegar on the stove! Almost TWO HOURS AGO!

FIRE!

Would the fire department be at our house for the SECOND TIME in the same week?!

You’ll want to read this whole crazy story in my brand new book, Nasty Gets Us Nowhere, but I want to share it with you here because it really shows something we ALL have done, and maybe still do...

...something critically important that we need to talk about, especially right now, with the direction our culture has been going.

I was away from Gary ministering in Puerto Rico for a Happy Life kids’ outreach event, helping restore hope to a community that had been ravaged by hurricanes, when I got a call from our home security company.

Mrs. Keesee, a fire has been detected in your home.

What?!? A FIRE?!?

I knew Gary was supposed to be home, but the home security company hadn’t been able to reach him. I told them that he might be deer hunting and told them to go ahead and dispatch the fire department. I was concerned and I prayed, but knew there was nothing else I could do from that far away. So I turned my focus back to the children’s event.

Later, Gary texted me that everything was okay. He told me he had just started to cook his breakfast and left it to simmer while he stepped outside to hang up his deer. What he didn’t realize was that the simmer setting was hot enough to burn his food, let alone start a fire.

A few days later, Gary picked me up from the airport and we had breakfast and did some much overdue Christmas shopping. When we arrived home that evening, I knew right away that something was terribly wrong.

Smoke.

If you’ve ever burnt a bag of popcorn in the microwave, you know what our house smelled like.

Well, this smoke stench was WAY WORSE than burnt popcorn, and it was in every room of our house.

I couldn’t hide that I was annoyed. It was a week before Christmas and the house smelled terrible.

“I can’t believe you almost caught our house on fire! I better not leave you home alone again,” I teased Gary.

I knew he was already embarrassed, but he could’ve burnt the house down a week before Christmas! I thought I needed to remind him of the lesson he had already learned. Ugh.

The rest of the evening, I searched for ways to get the smell out of our house. Several websites suggested boiling white vinegar with water, so that’s what I did. The following morning, I did it again, but it wasn’t helping. Our house still reeked with that awful, smoky smell.

Later that morning, while I was getting my nails done, my nail technician asked if anything exciting had happened that week. I began to tell her about the kids’ event in Puerto Rico and then Gary’s pan fire. (I don’t make it a practice to share my husband’s mistakes, but with the smell still stuck up my nose, the fire was still very much on my mind.)

FIRE!!!!

That’s the moment I remembered I had left a pan of boiling vinegar on the stove! Almost two hours ago!

You’ll have to read the rest of the story in Nasty Gets Us Nowhere, but I will tell you this:

Our house smelled worse than ever.

And what did I learn?

I had done the SAME thing Gary did. I almost burned our house down.

I had teased him and shamed him a bit for what he had done, and now I had done the exact same thing.

We do this same thing all too often—we judge, blame, and faultfind, but we make the same mistakes others make or do the same things we complain about them doing.

Rather than seeing ourselves clearly, we MAGNIFY and emphasize the failures and shortcomings of others but minimize our own.

And sometimes we get downright nasty with each other.

Think about it. How many times have you been trying to get your point across with a neighbor, a coworker, the server who messed up your dinner order, the customer service rep on the phone, the combative person on Facebook…?

Or maybe you’re always kind to the people outside of your home, but it’s a slippery slope with the people you live with and are supposed to love the most?

The bottom line is that being nasty gets YOU nowhere.

AND NASTY ISN’T GOING TO GET US ANYWHERE AS BELIEVERS RIGHT NOW IN OUR NATION AND IN THIS CULTURE.

What WILL get us somewhere?

What will change things?

Is there ever a time you should be nasty?

I answer all of these questions and more in my brand new book, Nasty Gets Us Nowhere. But let me share this:

For us to see real change in our world, we MUST heal our fractures and unite as women and men succeeding together for the kingdom of God.

We are living in the hour in which God desires to pour out His Spirit on all the earth, through His sons and daughters, but it won’t happen unless women and men under His voice are unified for one purpose.

We can’t fulfill our God-ordained destiny without working together, and we MUST start in our marriages and families or we will never be able to impact our nation.  

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)

Friend, people are flawed and imperfect, but treating each other with nastiness is never the answer.

I know it’s been really easy, with everything going on in the world, to get caught up in emotions and to easily MAGNIFY and emphasize the failures and shortcomings of others.

But nasty has gotten us nowhere. It’s only resulted in even more stress, confusion, and brokenness. We have to stop being nasty before we destroy everything.

We CAN succeed together… and much of our happiness depends on it. Working together won’t always be easy, but I believe with the grace of God backing you, it is possible!


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Marriage, and other relationships, don’t have to be hard. Drenda's brand new book, Nasty Gets Us Nowhere, promises to be one of the most thought-provoking books of the year. Learn how you can succeed with the men and women in your life! Get your copy here.

By Gary Keesee 08 May, 2024
Reading Time 3 mins 43 secs – Are you happy right now? Or are you feeling a little grumpy, or negative, or sorry for yourself? We’ve all been there. Years ago, I had one of those months. Yes, I said months , not days. I was negative. I was feeling sorry for myself. The weight and pressures of life and certain situations were bearing down on me. For some reason, during that time, I went to a conference I really didn’t feel like going to, and the speaker got up and said he was going to talk about being thankful. Great , I thought. Just what I want to hear. What I really wanted was for someone to join me in my pity party. But that wasn’t happening. Because God knew that wasn’t what I needed. He knew I needed someone to tell me the truth. See, I had taken my eyes off of all of the blessings of God. I had stopped remembering all of the amazing times He had come through for me. I had taken my focus off of His promises and put it on my problems. That message was just what I needed. The Holy Spirit dealt with me right then about my heart and how I had been ungrateful. I had to repent. God set me free that day. Here’s the thing: studies show that when you’re happy and thankful , you have 17% more friends. When you’re happy, you live longer and you have less health problems like heart attacks, strokes, colds, the flu, and even pain. Being grateful also strengthens your emotions, makes you more optimistic and less self-centered, improves your sleep, increases your self-esteem and your energy, helps you bounce back after a setback, reduces feelings of envy, helps your marriage, makes you look better, and makes you more productive. Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) says, “ A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones .” See that? Happiness is like medicine. Discouragement sucks the life out of you. Are you reading this and thinking, “ Gary, you don’t know what I’m going through. I have serious problems” ? I understand. But here’s the thing: happiness is not circumstantial. Happiness is a choice you make. I hear it all the time… “Gary, you don’t understand. I hate my house.” Sell it. “Gary, you don’t get it. I hate my job.” Quit it. Find a new one. “Gary, I just hate my life.” CHANGE it. You’re not stuck. You have options. Every single day, you make choices to do something or NOT do something. And you have plenty of reasons to be happy. Stop thinking you can only be happy when everything seems “perfect.” Because “perfect” is really rare, and I do mean really rare. In fact, odds are there will always be something in your life that isn’t “perfect.” The good news is, no matter what you go through or deal with in life, you can still be thankful and happy, because you can always trust God despite your circumstances. Philippians 4:6 (NIV) says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God .” Wait. Did you see what that said? Notice it didn’t say, “Only be anxious about the big things you can’t handle on your own.” Nope. It says don’t be anxious about anything . It also says by prayer—and with thanksgiving —present your requests to God. That means you should be thanking Him for all He’s already done and for what He’s about to do in your situation. You should be thanking Him before your answer shows up, because He’s faithful and good. Look at Judges 20:19–25. There, we see the nation of Israel suffering great loss after a huge battle. They had lost 22,000 men. 22,000. Can you even imagine? I’m sure you’ll agree that that was a really bad day. Then, on the second day of battle, they lost 18,000 more men. 40,000 men lost in two days. The Bible tells us they took a day off at that point. They stopped and regrouped. Then, in verse 26, we see that the entire army presented offerings of thanksgiving to God. Things had gone really wrong, and they needed to remind themselves that God was for them, that He is good and faithful, that He was with them. And the next day, they went out and won the battle. So, what about you, friend? Do you need to stop? Do you need to take your mind off the negative and remind yourself that God is for you, that He is good and faithful, and that He is with you?
By Gary Keesee 10 Apr, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 13 secs – In John 6, we read the story of Jesus feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Do you know it? It’s where we see Jesus teaching the disciples how to release the Kingdom of God into the earth realm. Basically, a large crowd was following Jesus, listening to Him teach, and watching Him perform miracles. It got to a point where the people needed to eat, and Jesus asked the disciples what they planned to feed the people. Of course, Jesus knew the disciples would freak out. They couldn’t feed 5,000 people. In fact, they started talking about how it would take more than half a year’s wages to buy just a bite for that many people. Jesus was teaching the disciples, and He was teaching us— the Kingdom of God has all the answers you need . How can you release the Kingdom of God into your life? Here are the five steps Jesus took. 1. Look at what you have. Jesus asked the disciples what they had to feed the people. What do you have in your life that you can give God to work with? Jesus multiplied bread into bread and fish into fish. What do you need multiplied in your life? Find some of it. That’s your seed. Also, remember that money can be named. You don’t sow money to believe for more paper or digital money. Money represents your life and can be named to be the thing you need multiplied. 2. Make sure you’re in faith. “To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see” (Hebrews 11:1, GNT). You have to know how to judge whether or not you’re in faith. How? Do you have the right picture? When you close your eyes, what do you see? Do you see yourself with the thing you’re believing for? Can you defend your position? Why do you believe it? Prove it! Because you can be sure that between the “Amen” and the “There it is!” the enemy is going to contend for it, so you better be able to defend it. Do you have joy, expectancy, and peace? Are you in agreement with your spouse? 3. Confess over what you have, and release it in faith. Be specific. Say exactly what you’re believing for and release the seed to God. 4. Get the plan from God. Be ready for new direction, new ideas, and new concepts by revelation from the Holy Spirit. Carry a notepad and a pen. Write everything down. 5. Act quickly! When God gives you the plan, MOVE! It’s wise to have counselors and get wisdom, but you need to act swiftly on any direction you receive from the Holy Spirit.
By Gary Keesee 13 Mar, 2024
Reading Time 2 mins 34 secs – How can you make sure you’re equipped for the growth coming your way this year? Here are my 10 steps to posture yourself for opportunity and success. 1. Ask yourself how you’re handling your current responsibilities. Don’t run from your responsibilities. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you should be a success. People will still see the evidence of God even if you think you’re in the wrong spot. 2. Detox your life of the things that keep you from having time to think. We live in a fast-paced world. There are plenty of things that can keep you distracted. But it’s in the moments that you stop to think that you’ll find ways to solve problems, and that’s where the opportunities are. So figure out what is consuming your time. Start saying no to some things. Find time to think. 3. Don’t hang around people who are always losing. I know people hit rough spots, but if the people in your life are chronically losing, it’s time to expand your circle. Hang around people who are better than you are, who don’t see things as impossible, and who have vision. It may be uncomfortable for you, but their influence will cause you to think differently. 4. Write down EVERY idea that you have, no matter how strange it seems. Most people filter opportunities and ideas through what they perceive their ability to be. This means most people discard ideas by the dozens because they don’t think they can do them. But God isn’t limited to what you know how to do. The ideas He gives you might seem so weird to you that you can’t process them fully. Write them down so you have time to think about them. 5. Research. Research. Repeat. You don’t need to know how to do something; you need to know how to learn how to do it. Research until you find what you’re looking for. 6. Count the cost before you jump. A lot of Christians hear God and jump out too soon, resulting in catastrophe. There are seasons for everything. God will prepare you for where He wants you to go. Be patient. 7. Always be in agreement with your spouse. Never, ever march out into battle without your spouse being in total agreement and your faith aligned. 8. Ask God for direction. Ask Him to help you, to show you where to go, and what to do. And always remember that prophecy from other people shouldn’t lead you; it should only confirm what God has already said to you. 9. Commit to never quit. Quitting is not an option. Once you’ve moved, don’t move again until God speaks to you. Stay with it. Walk it out. Don’t quit. So many people have so much potential, but they get uncomfortable and they quit. If you want to win, you should always be stretching. 10. Get ready to embrace bigger things. Your ability to see the big picture will keep growing as you change and grow on the inside. You’ll pick up on even more opportunities. For more principles, check out this FREE video on success.
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